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This was no place to sit, to breathe. It didn't help that the shuttle ride to the Fort ended so quickly. Hardly a time to take a true moment to grieve. S'Rye didn't let Oliver wrap his arm around her, which made him a little frustrated. It didn't make him any happier to hear Nikita quip that S'Rye had the right to be sad anyway she wants. J'aquen followed Elaine to her room. He was sure this was different than just being a Raider. She had people under her. Four of them died.

At her door, he opened it for her and smiled a little. "Hey Honey-Bunches-of-soggy-cereal..." J'aquen let out a breath with a pat on her shoulder. "I can't say you'll get used to it. I don't think anyone should...Your job today, I think your just as good, better, than most." He wanted to say more, but there wasn't too much more he could say. J'aquen closed his mouth and gave her a nod. "I'll see you later, Serg..."

Taking the long way to his room, J'aquen took a quick shower and then walked to the mess hall. A familiar scent of a smoke waft over to him down the hallway. It wasn't a wonder who it belonged too.

"Hey Olly." J'aquen made a jut up with his chin. Oliver ran a hand through his hair, blowing out some smoke and flicking the butt of the vessel into a trash bin.

"Hey." He mumbled, trailing after him. He sighed and glanced at J'aquen. "How's your buddy doing?" He asked him.

"Elaine will pull through. So how is S'Rye?" J'aquen asked, then chuckled to himself. "And how are YOU?"

"Me? Ah, man, you know. It's cool." He shrugged, laughing. Of course it had an effect on him, but not like it shook him. His chicken walk, with long strides, brought Oliver to the mess hall right along side J'aquen.

"Yeah, cool. Pfft." J'aquen grabbed a tray, handing one to Oliver too. "You don't have much that bothers you, don't you?"

"Nah, it bothers me. It does" He shrugged, going down the food line. "It's S'Rye man. She's taking that guys death way to hard, man, I like, didn't expect that at all." Oliver took a few plops of potato, a grilled cheese, and a tomato onto his tray. J'aquen went with the ribs. Extra sauce.

"Never should have let her talk to him, man." Oliver shook his head, following his buddy to their bench. He slipped into the seat and poked his potatoes with a fork.

"Well, you can't do that, but I know what you mean by it." J'aquen nodded, working on his meat.

"I mean, I guess I wouldn't mind so much if she didn't brood like this. I'm worried man. I don't want her to close up and not talk to me. She didn't let me hold her when we landed. I don't want her to become cold and emotionless pit of despair..." He grumbled. Oliver then chuckled and said "I mean, geez, we only need one Nikita."

J'aquen's face straightened and raised his brows, with his eyes looking right passed Oliver. His bud was curious of that expression and then let out huff of air.

"She's right behind me isn't she?" Oliver made a sheepish smile and slowly turned to see that scarred dark beauties face. "Hello Niki. Well don't you look beautiful today." He chuckled nervously.

Not smiling, but apparently not caring either, she took the slightest joy of giving him a stare when she set her tray forcefully down on the table, followed by her sitting next to Oliver...and continuing that stare. He cleared his throat and then spoke to J'aquen at the side. "I don't know what to do now."

"Just take it like a man, you stoner." He chuckled.

Barely a word was said between anyone as they returned their gear at the armory. Perhaps it was to be expected, but it was unusual for Elaine. Typically after each mission, she'd watch and listen in silence as comrades exchanged banter and jokes, making light of the dangerous nature of their work.

It was a way to let off steam in the First Company and fully encouraged by the Colonel, but there was none of that in Elaine's squad. Maybe it was because they were mostly strangers to each other, being a mixed unit of people from different companies and levels of experience. Or maybe it was Elaine's own coldness rubbing off on them. She had the feeling it was the latter since levity was never her strong suit, but either way, it felt strange not being the only one who was silent.

Elaine noted that even J'aquen didn't say much as he accompanied her to her room. She wanted him to stay, to sit down with and talk for a while. It didn't matter about what, anything would do to break the quietude, but then J'aquen was off and Elaine was alone.

It was just as well. He had his friends to see to and Elaine felt that solitude had always suited her best. It was peace and quiet she needed right now, not the company of others... but sometimes, she did want it.

As she showered, Elaine thought back to her conversation with Mira before leaving the shuttle.

"What's the girl's name?" the pilot had asked.

"What's it to you?" Elaine replied.

"Well, I've been doing this thing for a while now, shuffling you Raiders between here and there, and after a while you start to pick up on certain things."

"Okay... so why do you need to know?"

"It's not what I need, it's what she needs and probably you as well."

~~~

Her hair was usually bound up in a ponytail, but here in the mess hall, she let it hang down to her bare shoulders. Dressed in a simple grey singlet and still wearing pilot's trousers, Mira walked over to the table where J'aquen and the others were and asked, "Hey beautiful people, mind if I sit?"

"Please do." Oliver motioned to Mira, scooting over so that she had space to sit, between him and Nikita.

The pilot was ushered to that seat so fast, she didn't have time to refuse. This was purely to put distance between Oliver and the one who's stare could melt butter. Yet to someone unaware of the situation, it might look a little different. Oliver was a single guy, offering a hurried seat to a pretty young pilot. A talented one too. Although nothing of the sort was passing through his mind, he wrapped an arm around Mira, scooting them both a little closer towards J'aquen's side, and away from Nikita.

"You like grilled cheese, Flygirl?" He asked casually, taking his first chomp of his food since he sat down. That stare of Nikita's had made his sandwich a little cold.

"Mm, my favourite," Mira replied delightedly as she took a piece. "However did you know? Oh, blegh, actually I changed my mind."

As she spat out the cheese, people from other tables were turning to look and one passerby did a double take. Most of them were familiar with the pilot and wondering why on earth she was here in the mess hall, eating with Raiders instead of other pilots.

"Sorry, I ain't used to fancy food like this. Us pilots tend to live on coffee and food sticks, always bein' on the go and whatnot. Busy, busy, busy y'know, it's enough to turn my hair grey, but enough about me. How're ya'll doin'? Oh wait!"

Mira slapped her forehead and leaned back in her seat.

"I almost forgot, introductions first. My name is Mira Miles, you may call me Mira or Miles, I go by either. Some of ya'll might know me already, but I don't know any of you, not by name anyways, so that's why I'm here, and NOW that's enough about me. Phew!"

For a 'favorite' she certainly spat that bite out quick. That brought a chuckle from Oliver, who gave her a pat on the back. It was curious to them too, that Mira would choose to sit with them. Even if her intention was to learn their names, what was the point of doing that. Or at least, what was the point of learning just their names? But maybe she wasn't gonna just ask them. Whatever the case, Oliver spoke first about her name.

"Alright Flygirl, roger that." he seemed comfortable with calling her by a nickname. Besides, it had a nice ring to it anyway. "I', Oliver. But some call me Olly. That's my best bud 'Jaquen and that there beside you is the wonderful Nikita." He added that extra description obviously to butter the woman up. Niki wasn't buying it though.

"Any family who are Raiders?" Nikita asked Mira out of curiosity.

"Yeah Flygirl, what made you a pilot?" Oliver asked, taking a bite out of his sandwich. J'aquen was just as curious, getting a second helping of ribs to go along with listening to her reply.

"Ah, story time, now that IS my favourite," Mira replied gleefully. "Well, it all began back at home on Juno, if anyone knows where that is. No? Ah never mind, it's not around here.

"Anyhoozel, I always wanted to be a pilot since I was a kid, real passionate about it, y'know? Just something about flying around in the big black in any which way I wanted. Plus, it also kinda helped having a local hero for inspiration. So, guy set me on the path with a few handy tips and as soon as I got old enough, woosh, straight into flight school.

"Spent about two years there to graduate and another couple of years learnin' how to fly all kinds of stuff, mostly light things though, like shuttles, skiffs, fireflies, you name it.

"Anyway, I did a bunch of odd jobs for a living, even worked for some scientists a while back, and my last one before coming here was actually what lead me here, but that's a story for another time and relevant to your question, Niki. Can I call you that, Niki? Well anyway, so that's my story on becoming a pilot. Basically, I just really like flying a lot. It's pretty great... so uh, I notice one of you is missing."

There was nodding and smiles to her words. She talked a whole lot, which wasn't a bad thing, and frankly it was a breath of fresh air. Nikita wasn't a talker. S'Rye was a chitter-chatter when she had something to talk about, but not often. Oliver didn't make sense most of the time, and J'aquen mostly teased people.

"That's cool, Flygirl. Being a pilot is like, a high ride, you know? Hey-" He just had a thought. "If you get high while flying, you can get 'higher' than ever before...." As if actual hight would influence the effect of weed. He stared at his tomato for a moment before he looked over at her to her last question. "Yeah, my sister S'Rye is just taking a break in her room..." He seemed to sober a little at that and took another bite of his sandwich. Becoming somewhat quiet.

J'aquen took up the conversation here, wiping his hands off with a tissue. "You know how it is." He said. Though, he meant she should know how it goes. Mira had been around longer than S'Rye. "The first mission can hit pretty hard." he said. Though Oliver was seemingly unaffected.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Mira replied, nodding her head in agreement. With the change of topic, her manner became more serious as she leaned forward on the table with her hands clasped under her chin. "Look, I'll just get straight to the point here. I had a little talk with your sarge before leaving the shuttle, so I know what happened and let me tell you, that li'l girl needs to get better soon or something awful is gonna stand a mighty chance of happenin'."

With the most furtive glances, Mira looked from side to side to check that no one was eavesdropping and continued in hushed tones, "Have any of ya'll heard of Berserkers?"

"She shouldn't be a Raider." Nikita quipped, putting her two cents in. But as much as Oliver agreed, he still supported his sister, so, he frowned at Nikita. He didn't want her two cent in this regard. This was a bold move on his part, since he had basically called her a pit of despair a moment ago. Nikita didn't take his frown personally, but she did give him an even stare back. She wasn't changing her opinion.

At the mention of Beserkers, this caught their full attention. Oliver looked at Mira expectantly. He didn't notice Nikita's eyes darken a little, or the way J'aquen took a long look at his old friend Niki. Instead, Oliver shrugged, asking the question he believed they all wanted to know.

"What's that, Flygirl?" Oliver asked, cutting his tomato and stuffing it in the other grilled cheese he had, taking a bite of it.

Mira sighed before replying, "Guess it's story time again... not one I like telling to be honest, but here it goes. Short version, berserks are super soldiers. If ya'll are like flies to dragons, then they're hornets and the way it works is they get so hopped up on stims, they can react fast enough to keep up with dragons and maybe even kill em single-handed.

"Here's the problem though, with so much crap swimming around in their body, berserks are just as like to die from sudden organ failure than death by dragon. Even being awake is too dangerous, so the only way to keep em alive is to keep em on ice. In the off chance they manage to survive a mission, they get gathered up, fixed if necessary and then put on ice again. Repeat til' death."

Taking a deep breath, Mira paused for a moment to let everything she had said so far sink in, and then she continued.

"I only know all this because I was once married to a Raider who became a berserk, and, well, let's just say the guys upstairs were kind enough to not make me the one to deliver him to Cadeca... like I said before though, that's a story for another time. Here's what you need to know now."

Mira turned to Oliver and touched his shoulder. "Your sister is a prime candidate for becoming a Berserker. If it's one thing they all share in common, it's that they get offered to go berserk right after some kind of traumatic event, and to my knowledge, no one's ever turned down the offer. All they have to do is take a psych test. That's why she needs to get better soon and that's why I'm here."

Chewing slowed to a halt as Mira explained about these 'super soldiers'. Oliver set down his sandwich and didn't know if he could keep eating. For one thing, he had no idea this perky and smiling Pilot had such a stain of sadness in her past. This made him feel humbled in her presence. J'aquen felt the same. Just as sorrowful for that as Oliver was, as well as Nikita.

Besides that, Oliver had this sudden irrational idea that the 'men upstairs' had heard about S'Rye and are already down in her room, talking to her about this stuff. It nearly made him jump. Nearly. The most he did was flick his eyes to the door, worrying. But, calming down, he realized it was just too soon for that. Or so it seemed from what Mira said. She didn't say. "Run like hell and go to her now" so he took a breath and looked back at Mira. It was obvious he was gonna consult S'Rye about this. What wasn't expected, was what Nikita said next.

"I have." She said to Mira's words about not knowing people to refuse.

The pilot turned to Nikita with an appraising eye as the others fell silent. Mira didn't know enough about the Raider to make a judgement of her character, but if appearances were anything to go by, she definitely looked the part of a potential Berserker. They were invariably damaged individuals who'd trade their very lives for a better chance at killing dragons, and after losing everything, who could turn down such an offer?

In any case, Mira could sense a lot of history at the table that she felt would be better left alone, so instead she simply acknowledged Nikita with a nod and said, "The best scenario is S'Rye making that same decision for herself, but it'd be better if she didn't have to make it alone. For now though..."

Mira stood up from the table.

"I reckon solitude is exactly what she needs at the moment. Of course, ya'll should check up on her from time to time and if she gets better, that's fine, but if she's still hurtin' a week or so from now, come and find me. I think I can help.

"Whatever ya'll do though, don't trust the psychs. They'll be watchin' out for her kinda behaviour and if she's still raw about what happened, I can guarantee, she'll be gettin' that offer. Anyhoozel, it's been nice meetin' ya'll, but my break time's just about up now, so I'll see ya'll later."

With that, the pilot made to leave, but after a few steps, she returned to the table and added, "Oh, also, don't mention any of this talk to her. State of mind she's in right now, she might just consider it and... well, y'know."

When Mira left the table, the others bid her fare well. Oliver seemed to know that J'aquen and Nikita had this sort of secret shared between each other. Oliver raised a brow when he looked at J'aquen. The man knew what Oliver was thinking. J'aquen pat him on the shoulder, silently reassuring him that it wasn't his right to tell anyone, which Oliver shrugged and understood. From the curious expression on his face for Nikita made it clear that J'aquen wondered why Niki had mentioned it.

In response, she shrugged. It could be that she wanted to finally let people know, besides J'aquen. Could have been that she wanted to indirectly offer Oliver her help if he needed it. In any case, Oliver knew he was gonna prevent S'Rye from becoming a Beserker, whether or not he had to use Nikita's past to do so.

In all this quiet conversation between friends, J'aquen checked the time. "I'll bring Elaine some food. See you later." He said standing up.

"Sure, man. I'll go do the same for S'Rye." Oliver said, having finished his food. Spinning his tray in circles just for the fun of it. "Oh hey-" he pulled one leg over the bench and balled a napkin, tossing it at J'aquen. "Let's meet at Flint's later!"

J'aquen scratched his head. "I thought they closed that down."

"Nope, Jack killed all the rats before the health inspector got there." Oliver assured him.

"Ah, good. Kind of worried me. He worked so much faster last year." J'aquen nodded. "Yeah, I'll meet you there."

"Cool." Oliver made long nods that reminded one of a pigeon. He smiled a lazy grin at Nikita, leaning against the tables edge. "You coming?" He asked. She gave him a bored look and kept eating. "Oooh, yep. I see it, I see it. We'll catch you later at the bar, Niki. See you." Oliver tapped the table musically and got up to snag some food for S'Rye.

J'aquen was still there in the food line, loading the tray with all sorts of things he liked to eat, and added Elaines one favorite meal. Banana pancakes with walnuts and maple syrup on top.

Walking out the door he took a few turns and finally made it to her door. Using his foot, J'aquen knocked on Elaines door, since his hands were full. "Hey Elaine, I brought you food."

After Elaine had showered, she performed a number of stretches her mother had taught her whilst being groomed to become a Raider. The exercise was designed to prevent muscle soreness after training or combat and restore her body to fighting form as soon as possible, though while it was certainly effective, Elaine did it mostly for the stress relief.

With nothing but the sheer physicality of the exercise to focus on, it felt good to shed herself of the thoughts plaguing her mind since the mission on Cadeca. Completely naked, Elaine observed with calm detachment as the muscles in her limbs tightened and twisted with each movement; fine tuned since childhood to be agile and strong.

It was like this then when Elaine heard J'aquen at her door, which broke her out of her reverie. "Just a moment," she said whist looking for something to wear.

Not wanting to make J'aquen wait and, with only a singlet and underwear at hand, she hastily got dressed then opened the door.

"Hey, it's my favourite," Elaine said as she took the tray with pancakes. "Thanks, but you didn't have to, you know. I can feed myself."

"Oh? Well, when you can prove to me that you know how to use a fork, you can do it yourself." J'aquen chuckled.

He knew she meant 'get' food herself and not actually spooning food into her mouth, but he liked to tease her when she unknowingly let openings like that for tomfoolery. Walking in and setting the rest of the food on her table, J'aquen took a bite of the food he brought that he knew she didn't care for. It was for him of course. Every excuse to eat good grub, my friend.

Sitting down there at her table, J'aquen spoke with a little more seriousness than usual. "You missed a lot today at the mess hall. I figured you might want to know about it." J'aquen scratched his shaved head and relaxed his shoulders. "Mira sat with us for a little. She warned us that we got to keep an eye on S'Rye. Make sure she's recovering from this first mission. I don't know if you knew, but there are Berserkers out there, and Mira thinks that they might try to persuade S'Rye to be one." J'aquen gave a brief explanation of those 'super soldiers', and told Elaine the rest of the story. About Nikita and that Mira's husband is one. That's when J'aquen noticed Elaine's eyes.

"They're not green." He said. "You're eyes changed."

"Oh, ha ha ha," Elaine responded sarcastically as she let J'aquen pass and then sat down at the other end of the table.

As he spoke of what happened in the mess hall, Elaine listened in rapt silence whilst absentmindedly digging into a pancake. Upon the mere mention of the word 'Berserkers', her eyes widened in recognition of the term and what it meant. She had heard it tossed around before among the Raiders of the first company, always spoken in hushed tones like it was taboo to mention out loud.

Elaine had never cared to ask about it, but she noticed that whenever someone did, a raw recruit perhaps, the query was met with dead silence. It was only through patient observation that Elaine pieced together what the term really meant, but some of what J'aquen mentioned was new to her.

Before Elaine could think much of the information, J'aquen looked at her grey eyes, noticed the lack of green and commented on it.

"Yeah, the colour tends to wash off in the shower," Elaine replied in a snarky manner. "Come to mention it, this is the first time you've seen me like this. It's not making you uncomfortable is it?

"Actually, no, don't answer that. I don't really care. Anyway, that was an interesting story. I never would have guessed Mira to have that kind of history... but I'm not sure there's much we can do about S'Rye. I mean in the end, it's the same for any of us, isn't it? All we can really do is tough it out on our own and if we make it, we do, if we don't, we don't. It's all down to individual fortitude."

Elaine took a bite out of her pancake as if to punctuate her statement.

It's always amusing when Elaine would laugh with that obvious sarcastic manner. It meant J'aquen was doing a good job with his lame yet silly banter. That was set aside for the talk about Berserkers, but while they chatted about it, Elaine was kind enough to let open yet another point where J'aquen could tease.


“Nah, half-dressed women never bothered me.” He tried not to smile, by sucking in his lips, but it was painfully apparent that he thought something was funny, or that he had something to say that would be a tease. “Ok, ok, I can't do it. It's just too perfect, you walked right into it, but I can't tease you like I was gonna.” J'aquen chuckled, then cleared his throat to continue.


"Ahem." He coughed, and then looked at her grey eyes. "Well yeah, it was pretty crazy to hear Mira, such a perky happy person, to have a dark secret like that. Well, not a secret anymore I guess....well, I don't even know who she's told- anyway, as for S'Rye, we can keep an eye on her and just see what happens. If she get approached, we should talk to her about refusing them. Oliver is my oldest friend, and his sister is like a sister to me..." He said seriously. "I care for her well being as much as I care for his, Niki's, or yours." He said, forking a bite of her pancake.

"You care too much," Elaine replied as she jabbed her fork down and ate the piece of pancake J'aquen was about to take. She took the moment to chew before continuing, "Even as a trainee, you were the same way... It will destroy you, you know. I'm surprised it hasn't already, but it will happen, because it happens to everyone. Mira's not the only one with a sad story."

Elaine let the words hang as she looked directly into J'aquen's eyes, seeing how he'd react. During the moment, she thought back to what Mira had said earlier in the shuttle.

~~~

"It's not what I need, it's what she needs and probably you as well."

"And what's that?" Elaine replied.

"Comfort."

"... I'm not sure I understand what you're saying."

"What's there to understand? That girl needs a shoulder to cry on and arms to wrap around her, and if no one else is willing to be there for her in that way, I will."

"Why?"

The pilot shrugged. "Because I care I suppose."

Elaine scoffed cynically in response, to which Mira only responded to with a slight smile.

"I know, it sounds pretty silly, right? Why should I care about someone I don't even know? Well... why not? It's just a good thing to do and I like to do good things. This ain't exactly my first rodeo either, so the real question is why not, huh?"

Now you sound like Oliver, Elaine thought.

"And besides, it helps no one to be a hard ass all the time," the pilot concluded.

"Okay, so you want to help my subordinate, that's fine. There's just one thing, why do you think I need something like that as well?"

Mira's smile widened. "You already got someone for that."

He chuckled that she stole away his attempt to take that piece of pancake. J'aquen leaned back and rested his foot on his knee. The manly way to cross legs, for manly men.

"If I don't, who will?" J'aquen shrugged with that big smile of his. "The more a person cares, the more people who care, the better. Why do you think most people become Raiders? Because it's fun to die?" He posed.

He kept his eyes trained on Elaines as he spoke. It was pretty interesting that they changed color, and he had half a curiosity that they might change back to green as he spoke. Besides, Elaine had such pretty eyes anyway.

"People die, they get destroyed...in the end you have to decide what you're gonna risk it all for." He stated. It was true. There was always a possibility for anyone to have a sad story, but if you let it take over your mind, you might never recover. He let his smile fade a little, knowing that Elaine had sadness. Sadness was nothing to smile at.

Mentally shaking Mira's words from her mind, Elaine listened to J'aquen with mounting criticism of his point of view. To her, it seemed like nothing but empty ideals and platitudes, lacking in any valid reasons to believe in.

Elaine was about to say as much until she caught herself, remembering that J'aquen did not know about her past. He could not possibly understand how his views might turn to ash if he had gone through the same experiences she had.

"Sometimes I forget you were born in a colony," Elaine said, looking down with empty eyes at her plate. "You got to live a normal life before becoming a Raider, so you get to say those things. Me, I was literally raised to be one and you weren't around five years ago.

"I mean just imagine dozens like me, trained for years and years before the actual training. Nothing but high expectations for the lot of us. Can you imagine how much of a waste it was when half of us were suddenly wiped out when the dragons hit?

"They attacked the fucking Fort itself and for all our training there was nothing we could do. Absolutely fucking nothing. Before we could even begin..."

Elaine snapped her fingers.

"Just like that in a matter of seconds! And when I heard that my best friend who was like a brother to me had died, would you really tell me then that it's better to care when it hurt so much?"

Shaking her head, Elaine looked up into J'aquen's eyes again with a look of absolute disagreement.

"It doesn't help... but it's true what you said, about what we have to decide to risk everything for and my reason is vengeance. The dragons hurt me so I will hurt them back, it's as simple as that and better that way."

Pausing for a moment, Elaine let out a sigh to calm herself down and then continued as she regained her composure, "But recently, I've been caring less and less about even that now. I was in a really bad place back then and, well, I got better, but it's still a weight I'll be carrying for the rest of my life. One thing I learned throughout all of that is that it's best not to care at all if you want any peace of mind."

Taking a bite of her pancake, Elaine realized that J'aquen had not interrupted the entire time and she suddenly felt a flash of embarrassment. "Oh gods, I think I was actually monologuing. Sorry, I got a bit dramatic there. It's just... I don't know. I guess I just wanted to tell someone all of that for a while."

Listening to Elaine's tale, J'aquen felt she and Nikita were very similar. The way they looked at the everyday. Though, he had to admit that Nikita once had a dark look out on the world, she let a little light inside. Even if it was fainter than his, or Olivers. S'Rye's used to be the light everyone could see by, when she insisted on sharing it. Who knows if she might ever do that again?

J'aquen let out a soft breath and shared a small moment of silence. Whether it be for the people she spoke that died, or the fact that it was just right to wait before talking, he didn't know. He extended a few fingers briefly, as if to say not to worry about sounding like she was monologuing.

"Sometimes a persons got to say what they got to say." J'aquen said in response. "It's good to get things off your chest..." He didn't try to snatch more food, or crack a joke here. J'aquen knew when to keep things on a serious level, without letting them go too dreary.

"Elaine, I know being a Colony-boy instead of being raised as a Raider makes it seem like I don't know what I'm talking about, but you'd be wrong." J'aquen let out a breath. "We've only known each other for a little, compared to the time we spent apart, even if it seems like forever. At least to me." He told her. "I know I joke and smile, but..." An expression not seen on his face briefly settled on him, furrowing his brow. In that moment, J'aquen looked older, with hints of the kind of loss around his eyes. But he took another breath and smoothed out his features. "You lost so much, in such a small amount of time. People you were with since you were young. You just got to hang on, don't go numb or never care again...I am not telling you how to deal with your pain, or saying it's wrong, or saying vengeance is all bad. " He leaned over to her a bit. "Just don't let it take your humanity away."

"I..."

Already have, Elaine almost said before catching herself, realizing how that thought was simply not true and just a bit dramatic. In spite of what she said on the matter, there were at least a few things she cared about. One in particular being her friendship with J'aquen, perhaps the only person who'd think to bring her pancakes after a mission.

Now that Elaine thought about it, she had to admit to herself that the gesture seemed especially considerate. Sweet even, but the following conversation had dredged up many unhappy memories and that was... surprisingly relieving.

Okay, so I'm not an unfeeling robot yet, Elaine thought as she said, "I'll try not to. Thanks for saying all that I guess... and the pancakes. Thanks for that as well. They're really nice."

Elaine took another bite and, whilst mentally reviewing the conversation, she realized mid-chew how foolish some of her words had been.

Choking down the half chewed bit of pancake, she said, "And sorry about what I said earlier, about the colony and all. I shouldn't have assumed. I mean you used to live down there with those dragons. I can't even imagine what that must have been like."

It was all already forgiven. The thing was, it wasn’t even something J’aquen had to say, but he did anyway. “Don’t worry about.” He waved his hand dismissively. “I was hungry anyway, you were on the way to my room.” They had a little laugh at that statement, seeing that J’aquen was 5 levels in the opposite direction from Elaines room. Any distance was ‘on the way’ if it was for a friend. Now, when it came to, lets say, the doctors office, any distance was ‘out of the way’. Even if that distance was across from your abode.

“It was pretty much like what you hear. Some colonies not even surviving through a year, you know?” J’aquen said, remembering it. “You’ve heard why I became a Raider, but you didn’t hear the details. I saw them in action, yes, but it was more than that.” He tapped his finger a bit on the table top, in a thoughtful manner. “The first time I saw a fight, I was about 10. I saw men and women running, and that made sense, right? You got to get out of dodge. Well, then I saw these Raiders fighting that dragon.” J’aquen made a short laugh. “One in particular, your mother, impressed me. But, shush, don’t tell her that.” He pressed a finger to his mouth briefly. “I stood there thinking, I didn’t want to be the guy that ran. I mean, if there are people that can fight, then I want to fight too. I can’t just sit back and watch the fireworks...I got to be there for people.” J’aquen balled a fist and gently thumped it on the table. “I got be there, you know?”

Elaine was a bit surprised to hear that her mother was the one who inspired J'aquen to become a Raider... and then it didn't seem so surprising after all. How long had the great Annabelle Chiria been defending the colonies? How many regarded her as a hero? And how many were now dead, trying to follow her blindingly shining example?

When J'aquen finished talking, Elaine tried to keep any signs of her troubled thoughts from showing in her face or manner, but there was one that - once it had surfaced - would simply not go away. How long until you end up the same way, J'aq?

"Yeah, shit, that's actually how I felt about that last mission," Elaine replied with a false chuckle. "I mean a new colony, that's just unprecedented and I had to be around for something like that, not dicking around up here on leave... of course, I did just come back from a hunt, so maybe I was still riding the combat high. Maybe I just wanted more action, I don't know."

Thinking back on what she said to the Colonel, Elaine chuckled again, sounding obviously forced this time. "And now I wish I took that leave. I mean Lucas said as much himself, who in their right mind would ever turn that down? Clearly someone who's not in their right mind and I guess I wasn't."

Letting out a sigh, Elaine finished the last bit of her pancake then set her fork down on the plate. "Now there's S'Rye to deal with, probably a few others on their way to becoming like her, and four dead, including Jenkins... he was a good Raider."

"Yeah, I know that feeling." J'aquen said, or so he thought he knew. Scratching his close shaven hair, he let out a breath. "I've jumped back into action before. Once or twice, but in the end, I realized it didn't help me. The body has to rest. So does the mind." He looked at the plate and trays of food. "Got to eat them pancakes." A small smile surfaced.

J'aquen felt this was just one of those learning experiences. He could hear her 'chuckling' and know what she really wanted to do was just not smile, not chuckle. But you laugh or you cry, and there were enough tears.

Giving a nod in agreement, J'aquen absentmindedly squeezed the small, almost unnoticeable raise, of the fabric of his shirt. It's shape was like an odd triangle. The top part being the wide end, tapering down to a point. This object, whatever it was, was set on the end of a thin silver chain. "Jenkins...good Raider, good man." And in his head, like always, J'aquen had a moment of silence for that man. Rest well, he thought.

Then his eyes opened to Elaine and yet his fingers still rested there for a moment. "We'll keep an eye on S'Rye. See how she is. Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. Don't want her to run off on another mission too soon." He chuckled, as if that was just impossible.

"Speaking of which," Elaine replied. "What do you think's going to happen now that the mission's over? I mean, if we just go back to our own companies and it's business as usual then, well, it'll probably be a while before we can talk like this again... and I'm really glad we had this talk."

For whatever reason, Elaine felt her face suddenly growing warm as she said those last few words, so she cleared her throat and began tugging at the front of her singlet as if to cool herself down. Probably those exercises, she thought and then she noticed J'aquen scrunching up something at the neck of his shirt.

"Hey, what're you wearing there?" Elaine asked as she pointed it out.

"A mission like this would give us about a month to rest. I don't think I'll wait that long to talk to you. Why don't you come to Flints tonight?" J'aquen offered. "It's something to do, you get to know the others better." He noted the warmth coming to her cheeks and the way her fingers snagged her collar. He stifled a grin as he pulled out the pendant on the end of his chain. There it was, a carrot with a Raiders helmet. On it's back were wings of an angel.

"It's a symbol made by my little cousin. She's a sweet girl. It represents 'Carrot', my angel." He chuckled with a smile.

"Heh, that is sweet," Elaine replied.

At the same time, she considered declining J'aquen's offer to go out for a night of drinking and socializing. For one thing, that just wasn't her. Elaine had always felt far more comfortable spending time on her own rather than being among a crowd, or even small groups. To her, nothing could be more stifling when she could be training or reading a good story, free to forget about the world for a moment.

Another issue to consider was the plain fact that she'd be an outsider. She was Fort born and the daughter of a hero, raised to become a living weapon against dragons. Anyone who didn't know that much about Elaine would only have to look at her to see that she had no business being at a bar, like a fish had no business being out of water. If there was any reason why she'd go at all, it was because J'aquen was the one who made the offer.

"And yeah, I guess I could use a drink or two," Elaine said, despite her misgivings.

"That's great!" He beamed. J'aquen waited at the door for Elaine to get herself together. Just a singlet and a pair of undies wasn't the casual wear people normally wore at Flint's. After she was ready, the both of them set off for the engine room.

First they went to stop by Nikita's room. J'aquen knocked on her door and her roommate opened up. She was a tall lanky woman with mousy brown hair and dusty brown eyes. "Niki! Your boulder of a friend is here with the sad redheaded chick." she said as she walked off without even a word to either Elaine or J'aquen.

"Hello to you too, Margo." J'aqu chuckled. "Don't mind her, she's just a brat sometimes." He said to Elaine. Niki came to the door shortly after. In silence. She really didn't say much, knowing why they had come. But she did cock a questioning brow at Elaine, having not expected to see her. J'aquen patted Niki and Elaine on the backs as they walked down the hallway.

"We're all hanging out tonight, Nik, it's gonna be fun!" He smiled widely. Nikita gave a sigh, but didn't protest. In all honesty, she didn't like Flint's much. She didn't like it especially when Oliver came. And he always came. Though, when the door was knocked for him, he came out in a solemn mood. J'aquen had time to look past Oliver's shoulder and there was no sign of S'Rye.

"Up for a drink?" J'aquen asked curiously. Oliver shrugged, mumbling a few reasons why a beer or two was better than staring at the wall in a puff of smoke this night. And as for if S'Rye was gonna come, he shrugged as an answer to that too. He was mostly quiet as they walked down the halls, weaving around here and there, all the way to the doors of the engine room.

As soon as they opened, they were met with a busy and loud spacious area. People walked here and there, dressed in civilian clothes. There was smells of food, there was laughter. Going through the crowds, they came too a wide alley. Turning into it, they saw a hanging sign poking out for people to read as they walked down that way. It was an image of a 17th century gun with the name. "Flintlock" across it. The doors were mismatched. They swung open easily and the group were warmly greeted.

"Hey! J'aquie, Olly, and beautiful Nik!" The Barkeep was an Italian decedent. Giovanni Botticelli. "Come and sit at the counter, I've got some good beer you should try! And oh, who is this?" He asked as they came to sit. "Red is part of the Italian flag, you know? All you need is white and green!" He laughed hartily to Elaine. A good nurtured laugh that came booming out of his throat. He was tall and suave, with a glint of cheerfulness in his dark brown eyes. The scruff of his black beard was trimmed, but not the mop of messy black hair on his head with thick eyebrows to match.