Same as the rest.
Alright! For the first post, all of the students get the same. I do not wanna rant on and on but a few things I gotta say.
First off, thanks for giving this a try. All I want is a chance to help people out. It would be nice to join more games with people whom are confident to post and write detailed, insightful posts.
Maybe through doing this I can pick up some new skills myself.
What will happen is you will be put into a scenario and just have to ride it out. We may change the scenario at any point. What we want is you to just go along with it. We will comment on your posts and let you know what you can improve on.
If you want help with something like character making, send a note in the OOC or PM one of the helpers. You will start with me, but as time goes on you will likely have others helping you. If you have any problems with anyone that helps you for whatever reason, contact me. I do not want a war on my hands so I would rather just switch out whom ever is teaching. That way there is no fighting.
Once again, thanks for getting involved.
A little later I will be uploading a note of game etiquette (Things that are greatly appreciated in games.) Please look in the notes folders often as they can be a great help.
So now I am gonna start this off. I am gonna use the same post for all characters to start with. THIS WILL CHANGE. Also. Your character will often be put in situations you do not expect him/her to be in. That is life. A good roleplayer will be able to cope and turn that into gold. And that is what I want to achieve.
To start is the narrative. This is gonna set the scene. Some points here will let you define parts of your character and let you fill in what you want. Such as this character Keith. What relation is he to you?
Winter had came early to the small town of Earlton. It was a harsh winter too. Not a single spec of land was spared in the town from being coated in the snow. Roads were being cleared by the towns folk with shovels. The hard work everyone had to put in made the town a humble one. Yes, you are in a rather back water little town. You lived a normal life, often helping on the farms to feed yourself and family. Winter always made working near impossible. That is why at that moment you and Kerth decide that a trip to the forest will put food on the table.
Who is Kerth you ask? You should know! Whether he is sibling, a close friend, a love interest, that is neither here nor there. He could even be a rival of yours. Whatever the case, the two of you went off to hunt. This way you can eat easy tonight. Kerth is a rather agile male. His skin has always been rather tanned with the sun, most likely because the male is never indoors. A true hard worker, but the red head was also a prankster. Yes, Kerth was not above causing trouble. He was wrapped up warm, in heavy leather coats for the trip. A rather large bag on his back holding many useful items.
The forest was land that had been closed off, due to the creatures that dwell inside. Some could be rather dangerous but the hunger that stuck in your gut made you need to travel here. You had never been here before but it was wonderful. So many trees coated in snow, the soft suns rays making the snow sparkle.
This is a player post. This will be a lot more personal to the character of the player. In this case it will be Kerth.
Kerth gave a low whistle as he ran his gloved hand through his short hair, spiked up like he was a kid. You think by the time he reached age eighteen he would have grown up a little but not Kerth. “What a view! Damn, look at all these trees!” He wore a genuine smile on his tanned face, as he had never seen so much greenery. Earlton forbids traveling outside the city limits and there was only a few trees near the town. To Kerth all the trees were a sign that breaking the rules could lead to wonderful things.
His gaze fell to Thor when he gave a small smirk. “You sure you are up for this? I don't wanna have to carry you home, crying.” He moved closer placing a hand on Thor's shoulder. He had his teasing tone on as he said this. With a large grin he knocked some snow off his shoulders as he turned back to the forest. Today would be the day that Kerth would finally be free to do as he please. No watching. No judging.
“So Thor, how you gonna hunt? I mean, did you even bring anything? I am gonna try and bag me a deer. But we should be careful... Apparently boars the size of humans sometimes trample through here.” He had heard from his father that some of the creatures here were monsters. Evil beings from another realm sent to bring nothing but pain. Last thing Kerth wanted was anyone to fall prey to that.
"I-I'mma bow huntin'!" the boy asserted, cheeks flushing with blood as he tried to impress his idol. At the mention of the boar, the boy blanched. "B-b-but, boars jus like tr-ruffles, yeah? They won't be looking for us, right? We don't smell like mushrooms." He nodded, confident in his statement.
Alright! To start off, I know very little of your character in this situation. How he feels about the world around him. Try to picture yourself as him. You are a shy boy with little experience in a forest with your idol. See, you gave the needed information, but the more you detail it the more we understand.
I have little clue if he is excited to be there or terrified. You could also try and expand your post. I understand writing lots can take time but I find it rewarding.
("I-I'mma bow huntin'!" the boy asserted, cheeks flushing with blood as he tried to impress his idol.)
A more detailed way to put this is:
(Thor steadied himself as he thought to the bow he had with him. “I-I'mma bow huntin!” Maybe if he could shoot something down, it would impress his red headed idol. Thor's well rounded cheeks flood with color at the idea of being able to show off to Kerth.)
And that is just with the information I have been given. A lot of people like to understand why things happen. Why a bow? For safety? For the difficulty of use? Why would he want to impress him? Let your ideas flood forward. People love creativity and the more you give us to read, the better. People love it when you fill in facts and details.
However I do like your take. You are playing an airhead character and so far doing well. Just try to pack more into it so that others have a chance to take from it.
As another player I have to look at what I can do to interact and help. The more you put in, the more other players can play with.
(Unrelated to the RP. Nice Ivan Avi. XD)
Kerth could only smirk down at Thor. “Come on now... You know that if the boars get excited they stampede. Last thing I want is a bunch of sweaty pigs stomping all over you. You wouldn't last long with that!” Kerth could only let out a soft chuckle. They would only have a five hours of daylight before they would have to return to the village. Last thing Kerth wanted was to drop Thor in trouble with the elders.
He let out a soft sigh, his breath visible in this cold. A bow? Thor was using a bow? He admired the kids passion but... Would he really be able to hit anything? Kerth pushed such ideas of of his head as he sat his bag down on the floor. The brown satchel made as soft noise as it hit the ground. He rummaged through it desperately looking for something. “Where the hell did I leave it... Aha!” He sat up with a big grin. “Here, pink feathered arrows. If you miss, should be easier to find where the damn arrow went.” Kerth handed them over with a small grin.
At that moment, he looked desperately for a sturdy enough stick. After a while of searching, he found one straight enough that was not warped or rotten inside. “Ah, this will do! Gave the blacksmith my last roll for a steel point! Worth it. Wait till people see us with livestock for food!” He laughed loudly, almost drooling at the thought of cooked meat as he secured the point to the wooden stick. It looked to be rather sharp. “Well, if you are ready, shall we get started?”
He shivered and stepped backward, running into the cart. Hoping to excuseaway his panic attack, he turned around and rifled through their supplies, grabbing his bow. He grinned, satisfactorily.
Thor nodded, taking up the quiver as if it represented some deep honor. He would make Kerth proud. He could see himself atop his shoulders, being lauded and carried into town with a whole slew of dead moose, each with pink feathers sticking out their forehead.
He saluted fervently with his left hand, "I-I won't let you down! If I see a boar, I-I-I'll let you know! I'll scream!" He smirked, waiting for the approval of Kerth.
((This feels a lot like the opening to the very first Tales of game. Phantasia, I think?))
For starters. Neither of us said blush. Not once. He discribe blood flooding cheeks. I simply reworded it. Blood to cheeks eqauls colors.
However I do agree with the fact that details might not be the right word. What I was getting at is that he could describe more. I dissagree compleatly with understanding the character. All I know is it is a shy boy with a want to use the bow. I have no idea if he can use it or anything.
But I do agree the post needs more to work on.
Thanks for your input.
((Thanks for y'all's input thus far; Strude, if I had seen your post before I started making my second, it would have been different))
Kerth can only glance at the cart that Thor had ran back to for a moment. Seems he was getting his gear together. The male seemed rather eager to get started, to do well. “I am sure you won't let me down. But if we see the boars it might be a little too late. Try to keep an ear out for them, righty?” He gave Thor a thumbs up as he glanced into the forest. Kerth knew the basics of the beasts that roamed the forest but rumors of many strange creatures loomed in the back of his mind.This post gives more into Thor and what he wants. This post is still in the waiting phase. You still have little prompts, but it is fine. You have one or two that can be worked with. As Strude rightly said, if you add more actions, get other players more involved then it does greatly help the game. It gives people more to write about and makes your own posts more substantial.
I find that it is about getting a balance. A post with five hundred actions is nonsense and a post with nothing but detail of feelings and whatnot is also nonsense. You need to do actions with a good description, for clarity.
To quote Strude again, as time goes on you develop a sense of what to include and what not to include. Sometimes noting on things is not needed if it has been covered enough in previous posts. Your post covered enough of what has been covered, gave your characters feelings a little more so that is good going. As I say you could puff it out with some descriptive actions but that is what you will learn! Good work so far.
This would not push Kerth off getting some feed. Nono! Rumors won't weaken his resolve. He takes a moment to listen to the sounds of the forest. Rustling, but it sounds more like the wind than any form of prey. “One think Kid, if we get separated from each other... Find your way back to the cart. Should be easy enough to find. We should be the only two leaving boot prints.” He gave him a nod picturing little Thor screaming at the boars. No doubt panicking at the idea. 'I sure hope he is ready for this...' Kerth thought to himself as he started to enter the forest. His feet were unstable on the frosted rocks that were hidden under the snow. Hopefully the forest floor would be less slippery than the entrance.
He glanced back to make sure that Thor was still on his tail and not running for the hills. Suddenly a loud grumbling came from behind a thicket. It was so dense that seeing through it was near impossible. Kerth jumped back at the sudden sound ash he gripped his make shift spear with both hand and pulled it to his defense, his hands shaking with uncertainty, expecting something to pounce at him.
But no such thing happened. He stood there, his hands shaking slightly, with no climatic attack. “... I guess... It is friendly. Well... Whatever it is, I am sure it can be eaten.” With that he pushed his way past the leaves and bushes to find the source leaving Thor on his lonesome.
"A-are we likely to get separated?" He was obviously unnerved by the idea. He held the quiver loosely, confused and scared. No. He would be brave. He would show Kerth how strong he was!
He grunted in a way he determined as manly and followed close behind Kerth, the man's red hair a bright beacon to follow in this sea of snow. When he turned around, he gasped, surprised. The rattling of the bush saved him of his embarrassment.
It continued to shake and rattle. Thor, wide eyed and unsure what to do, dropped his quiver, spilling all of Kerth's arrows.
He quickly dropped to the ground and tried to gather them back up. By the time he was finished, Kerth was gone.
"Kerth? K-kerth? This isn't funny! You can't scare me, I know you're just pulling a prank!"
He lingered a few moments, then ran off in the direction they were originally heading, leaving Kerth in the brush.
He'd show that prankster. He'd nab a buck and then Kerth would have to say he was cool or something. He couldn't help but grin as he imagined notching an arrow through the ribs of a deer.
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