Synopsis
Missing his wife
Description
I look into the mirror...
...And see the shadow of a man I once was. She is gone now, and nothing can fix that. I am broken, but I refuse to admit it. She has been the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am a shell of a man without her. A stranger in my own body. All the mirrors in what was once our house have been smashed. I can't stand to look at myself anymore. I don't recognize the man in the glass. Sure, he has my brown hair, straight nose, and thin lips. Sure he's got my eyes, my slender build. He is, however, not me. I've twisted into some sort of monster, hurting everyone around me without a care. She was everything. Without her, life has no meaning.
Others look at me...
...And see a husband to a dead wife, a father to a stillborn son. They see what they can look down on. What they can pity. They see whatever makes sense out of what I am. 'His wife died.' that's why he's an asshole. It's to be expected. In truth, I let them see me this way. My dead wife has become the defining feature in my life. I can't get over it, so why should anyone else? If I can use it to push them away, all the better for me. They can see what they want. I don't care anymore. I just wish everyone would go away. Until then, I will do my best to keep them at arm's length.
Personality
I am beloved...
... for reasons unknown. She could never really tell me why she loved me. Sometimes she's say there was a spark in my eye, and other times, a quality about me that was life-affirming. It never really mattered WHY she loved me, so I learned not to ask. All I know is my parents loved me, my wife loved me, and nobody else matters.
I am hated...
...for many reasons. I drink. I smoke. I gamble. I'm rude, especially to women, which has gotten me a lot of hardship this past year. I don't answer well to authority. I haven't shaved in three days, so obviously i must not care about my appearance. There are any number of reasons why someone would hate me, but in all honesty, I'd just hate them right back so what does it matter?
I love...
... The past. How things were. In my past I was a watchmaker. I fixed all kinds of watches and clocks, and built some choice pieces of my own. It was a modest living, but it kept my wife in comfort. She never had want of anything. Today, I still retain my interests, but I'm less fixated on creating. More focused on finding out what went wrong.
I seek...
...Absolution. She's gone. She'll never come back. I know this. I only wish she had lived long enough to forgive me for all the hurt I've caused her, all the trouble I've put her through. Without her, I have nobody to forgive me. I was never particularly religious, but I do believe in some sense of God. I just wish he would forgive me my transgressions, and absolve me of my sins, whatever they may be, so that I might once again have a normal life.
Equipment / Abilities
I am able...
... To fix broken things. Watches are my specialty but I also work on guns, and various other gadgets and gizmos. Just small things. Never really got into cars or anything big.
I am struggling...
... To keep my head above water. It hasn't happened yet, but I secretly hope for some sort of wake up call. Someone to tell me how it is, or just beat the shit out of me for the stupid shit I continue to do. I'm stumbling aimless through what's left of my life, trying to find solid ground.
I have upon my person...
History
I was born...
... In the capitol's poorer district. I had to work hard to get where I am, but I don't brag about my accomplishments. My father was a cook in a rich family's estate, and often brought us home leftovers. My mother was a servant in that same estate. Having two working parents, I had to help raise my siblings. Being close in age, this did not prevent me from going to school.
I was raised...
... To be a hard worker. When I was 11 I was apprenticed to an elderly watchmaker. I went to live with him, and his wife. She was ill, so I spent time taking care of her, when I wasn't working in the shop. I learned how to take apart, put together, and construct watches, clocks, and other things. When I was of age I took over the shop, until he died. In his will, he left me everything. It wasn't much, but I was grateful, so I kept up the shop and did my best to help out my family.
Shortly after his death, I met her. I didn't love her at first, but eventually I began to feel the same for her as she felt for me. Only a year later we were married.
We were in no hurry to have a child. Several years passed before we began to try to conceive. Then, almost instantly, she was pregnant. I was the happiest man alive.
I embarked in order to...
... Fulfill a promise. Right before she died, my brother in the room with us and all the doctors, she made me promise to find someone else and try to be happy. I did not want to promise such a thing, but I could not deny her anything in life, and I wasn't about to deny her in her last moments.
A year later, my brother bought me a ticket with some money he had saved from winning at the track. He knows I don't want to, but he loved her too, like a sister. He knows I have to try, even if it's the last thing I want to do. He will hold me to my promise. As i sit in the small apartment above my shop, staring at the empty crib I built with my own hands in the corner of the room, drinking myself into a stupor, my loving brother packs my bags in silence. He will look after the shop for me while I am away, and make sure everything is gone upon my return. A fresh start. A new life.
I don't want any of this.
Extra
The ones I am attracted to are unknown to me. I'm not sure what I like in a woman, or if i even still want them.
I like to drink and sleep in my spare time. Alone.
