The Right Handed Writer

[Hiuknowme]

I don't particularly expect this to be understood by the eye of someone who doesn't know me and where my past is. It's intricate, and personal, which is why I have no problem putting it online. None of you will get it anyway, lol. Enjoy another nightmare of mine.

"I'm in a courtroom. The ceiling rises high above my head, the seats are wide, and the steps are as tall as my thigh bone. No... I'm just ridiculously small. I curl up on my knees upon the chair to see over the podium. To my right, across and aisle, stood another podium. A shadow of a man I once called my stepfather stood, grey and translucent as midnight clouds. Tentatively, I turned my gaze to the judge. A man in his mid fifties, with balding grey hair and a sagging chin, starred down at my accusingly. His eyes burned into my soul with superiority and hatred so raw, I turned my face to the floor in confused shame. Behind me, the steady murmur and drone of whispered conversation only heightened my tension. Outside of this dream, I clench my fists and curl my toes; a reflexive habit that developed from strong sudden emotion or shock. My conscious wriggles itself deeper in the nightmare, instead of resurfacing like my sharp fingernails urged it to.

"Out of nowhere, my once stepsister stomps into the room, flinging open the doors and marching near the podiums where I stood. She was furious and angry; yet she knew her anger was misplaced and childish, I could see it in her eyes. She would never admit it, though, I know her too well. For now, lets call her "CN".

"CN's thin blonde hair swooped around her shoulders while she screamed into my face in rage, "Why did you have to take him from us?! This is all your fault! You could have kept quiet! You should have kept quiet! I'm stuck with that bitch of a mother now, because of your selfishness!" Every word stabs me like a shard of glass to the chest. Tears fill my eyes, and I agree with her. I know what's right on the surface, and according to the rest of the world, I did all that was expected of me. But underneath... how much of that will effect CN's life? How has my "right" decision ruined the lives of several other people? I fear the answer, more than I fear the question itself."

I wrench my masochistic dream self awake, and lie shivering under the blankets for several hours before sleep claims me again. This time, sweet and peaceful, dreamless and tender.

---------- Post added at 08:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:52 PM ----------

Oh my god, I just realized, I hit two hundred views. Yes!