I'll help ya, if you're okay taking things to google documents. Then I can at least leave notes and comments and properly critique.

By the way hello my name is Strude and I've been RPing (not only online thread based but many other forms) for 13 years. ^___^' So I believe myself versed enough to teach you a trick or two.

Oh and if you're really brave (and I do hope you are) we can take our discussions on RP to vent or mumble. Golly gosh I love a good conversation about roleplay. > w <