Cautious Love

I smiled, and I kissed the back of her hand. "Im honestly haopy I met you.." I said softly.

I blushed when her lips touched my skin, and I looked down shyly. "Im glad."

I felt my cheeks get red also. I slowly let her hand go. "So.." I said softly, I probably shouldn't come so strongly onto her

I felt a strange emptiness when she let go of my hand and I sighed. "So.." I answered. I sat on my bed and patted the spot next to me.

(So sorry, took way longer than expected.)

I smiled and sat beside her. "You sing?" I asked her, and I didnt like the look on her face when I let her hand go, so I slowly grabbed it again.

When she grabbed my hand again, my heart lifted, but I dropped it again. I can't... "Yes." I replied.

"What am I doing wrong." I said, off topic, but clearly talking about her letting my hand go. "Shit.. I mean.."

I looked up, a little surprised, and frowned. "You're not doing anything wrong.."

"I didnt mean to.. say that. Sorry... maybe I shouldn't stay.." I said softly, looking down at my hands, nervously trying to pop my fingers.

I sighed. "Calm down, it's okay." I looked down. "A lot of people say things they don't mean." I looked back up. "Are you thirsty?"

But... I meant what I had said.. in a way. I thought. And I looked up at her and nodded. "Water is fine." I said softly.

I nodded and went downstairs and got a water and a coke. I walked back upstairs and quietly handed her the water.

"Thank you." I said and I took the water, and I took a drink. "What was school like in Ireland?" I asked her.

I shrugged. "The schedules a lot different.. And the classes are too."

(Back sorry.)

"Really? Interesting. For a year I went to England as an exchange student my junior year. Its so odd." I said.

I smiled. "That's cool." I replied. I sipped my coke and I looked around. There was a picture on my bedside of me and Madeline. And another with her with the cancer, opening a birthday present.

I followed where her eyes were going. Maybe thats why she let my hand go, because she is not ready.. I instantly felt bad.. "What made you move here?"

I sighed and looked away. "I got depressed."

"Are you starting to feel better?.." I asked her, rubbing her back softly.

I shrugged. "Most of the time.. But sometimes something snaps in me and I just.." I stopped and took a deep, shaky breath.

I frowned and I touched her arm gently. "And.." I asked her, I hoped I wasnt being pushy.. she's done so much for me, so I wanted to do things for her also..

I looked up into her eyes. "And.. I just.." I looked down. "Dont want to be alive sometimes."

I nodded slowly. "I know how it feels.. " I said softly, and I genualy could relate to it, thats me about 60 percent of the time.

I sighed and looked into her eyes. "Thank you." I whispered

"If that ever happens, just.. call me? And. Ill promise to do the same when I want to.. take my emotions out." I said, glancing at my arms.

I nodded and gently took her arm. I lifted her wrist to my lips and I gently kissed her scars.

I smiled slightly, and I hugged her tightly after she did that.. I was so happy..

I hugged her back tightly, resting my face in her hair. She's so beautiful.. And sweet..

After a while, I pulled away, sure my cheeks were very red. "Istill think its amazing how much if an impact youve made on me in such a short time." I said.

I smiled and nodded. "I know what you mean." I replied, taking another swig of my coke.

"Constance!" I heard her mom call. I stood, and grabbed my water. Dinner must be almost done.

I got up as well and led her downstairs. I helped set the table, then I handed Adira a bowl of stew and some homemade bread. We all sat at the table and began eating. "And I've made a wonderful chocolate cake for dessert." My mother said. I grinned. My mom makes the best chocolate cake.

"Looks amazing." I complimented. And I meade a dreamy face when I had my first taste of the stew. It was very good. "Chocolate cake is my favorite." I said, smiling over ay her mom.

My mother beamed at her and I smiled behind my drink, glancing at my dad. He was staring at me thoughtfully. I quickly averted my eyes. "You know.. You kind of remind me of Madeline.." My mom said, watching Adira. When she saw the look on my face, she fell silent.

I was a little surprised by the comment. "Yeah?.." I said, seeing the look on Constances face I also fell silent also, taking a drink of my water very awkwardly..

"Your personalities are completely different though.. Madeline was a biggg dreamer, very ambitious. She was also a bit wild.. Going to parties, getting drunk, she even convinced Constance to get a tatto-" I interrupted my mom by slamming my fork down and getting up. "Don't talk about her that way, that wasn't all she was." I growled. My mom instantly looked guilty. "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry.." But I turned and walked upstairs, going to my room. I slammed the door shut and kicked the side of my bed, in anger. I sat on the floor and buried my face in my hands. Why does everyone concentrate on her faults?

"E..Excuse me.." I said softly, standing and awkwardly walking away.. I headed up the stairs, and to her room, I knocked on the door softly. "Con.. its me.. can I come in?" I asked, looking down at my feet, my hair acting like a curtain, blocking my perefrieal vision.

I got up and crawled in bed, curling up in the fetal position, facing the pictures on the beside table. "Yeah." I answered, trying my hardest not to cry.

I slowly opened the door, seeing her there on her bed, I walked in, and I sat beside her. I gently rubbed her back, and I kissed her head softly..

I sighed and closed my eyes, sniffling softly. "Madeline did have her problems. She really liked partying and drinking. And yes, I did get a tattoo, but of her name. But I saw right through her. I saw her heart. And there was nothing bad about it. It was beautiful."