I looked up at her and I sighed. "I don't know." I whispered and I held back more tears that were threatening to fall. How could I let myself get like this? What happened to passionate, fiery Jez?
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I looked up at her and I sighed. "I don't know." I whispered and I held back more tears that were threatening to fall. How could I let myself get like this? What happened to passionate, fiery Jez?
I sighed and sat next to her,"Cry, Jez... You need to get it out."
I closed my eyes and I began to cry again, hating myself for it. I'm so pathetic. I'll always be pathetic. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother being alive. I want Amy back. I want her to remember me so badly.
I wrapped my arm around her and laid back, letting her head rest on my chest as she cried, stroking her hair. I couldn't help not remembering... But I couldn't leave her like this..
This reminded me of the first time I opened up to her and that made me cry even harder. I cried for a while, letting out my pain and then I finally stopped and sat up, wiping my eyes. "I'm so selfish.. You're the one who can't remember anything and is pregnant and here I am crying my eyes out.."
"You're hurt, too, Jez. You aren't selfish,"I said as I shook my head, sitting up with her,"You are just under different circumstances."
I sighed and looked at her. She is just so beautiful and perfect, like an angel. And she's so strong. I wish I was.
I smiled at her and tucked her hair behind her ear,"You'll be okay."
I cracked a small smile and I nodded. "I hope you're right.." I cleared my throat. "Can I show you something?"
"Anything,"I said with a nod.
I got up and went to my drawer and I pulled a little box out and I went and sat back down beside her. I opened it and inside was a ring with a sapphire in the middle. "Don't panic, it's not an engagement ring.." I looked up. "It's a promise ring. I bought it a long time ago, before the accident and... I just never had the chance to give it to you.." I held the box out to her. "You can have it, if you want.."
"Hold on to it... Maybe one day you'll need it for me again,"I said with a smile,"Or, leave on your dresser and I'll take it when I'm ready,"I said with a smile,"Whatever you want."
"Okay." I whispered, and I got up and put the box on top of the dresser. I sat back down next to her and looked down at my hands. How can I make her fall in love with me again?
"When will the withdrawals begin to kick in?"I asked, looking over at her. I needed to be ready... It was painful.
I shrugged. "Probably in a few hours.." I sighed. "Maybe less.."
"How would it kick in so quickly?"I was confused... No addict could be that terribly reliant on drugs like that, could they?
"Because of how much I take. I drink and drink and pop pills all day every day. In a few hours I'm going to be craving another drink and more pills. I'll be irritated. By tomorrow I'll want it so badly because I skipped it today. When my body finds that I don't do it again, it'll start reacting. Then by the next day, I'll be puking."
I nodded,"Well, I'll be here,"I said with a nod,"Do we need to go grocery shopping?"
I nodded. "Yeah.." I mumbled and I got up and grabbed my purse and car keys. "Come on.."
I followed her. We got the necessities- milk, eggs, bread, cereal. Everything we could need, even paper plates and plastic silverware. I was ready to be locked in a house with her for a few days.
Once we were home and got everything situated, I turned to her. "You don't have to do this for me." I whispered.
"Yes, I do,"I said, turning to look at her,"Because I would if I remembered, and I'm sure I've done it before,"I said before beginning to put the groceries away.
I silently helped her and afterwards, I gently took her hand. "Thank you.."
I gave her hand a squeeze,"My pleasure, dear."
I slowly pulled my hand away and I smiled. "Make yourself at home.." And I went upstairs to my bedroom to change.
I got my suitcase from my car and unpacked in my room, sitting on the edge of the bed and calling my mother,"Yeah, I'll be staying here for awhile... Yes, Mom, it'll be okay... Mmhm, I have my vitamins. I'll be okay Mom, I'll call you later.. I love you... Mmhm... Okay... Yep... Bye bye now."
I sat in my room for a while in silence, and then my throat began to burn. I was itching for a drink. I scratched at my neck and forced myself to lay down, trying not to think about it.
I knocked on her door and stepped in,"How are you doing?"
I looked up at her and gave her a ghost of a smile. "I'm alright.. Just trying to distract myself.."
"How can I help you?"I asked. Even though I wasn't in love with her... I still cared about her and I still wanted her to be okay.