Cautious Love

"Not hungry." I said, and smiled..I kissed her cheek before syanding and walking into the living room and turning the rv on, watching Cops.

I sighed and washed the dishes. I feel like something's off.. But I don't know what.. I went to my room and finished out some applications for college.

My stomach rumbled, but I just drank some water and kept watching the show. I wanted to go to the gym, but with my leg still healing, I couldnt do anything.

I then called my dad and told him that we would be visiting, and he was excited. I went downstairs and sat with Angus, resting my legs over his lap like I usually do.

I smiled at her and I rubbed her thighs absentmindedly. "What should we do today?"

I shrugged. "I dunno.. Maybe lunch at Fazoli's?" I asked.

"I.. am not hungry. Maybe we could go for a cruise in my car? Ill teach you to drive manual."

I frowned. "I already know how to drive manual. I took you to the hospital and back in your car." I moved my legs from him. "Why won't you eat? What's wrong?"

"Well.. what about doing burn outs? Ill teach you burnouts." I said, ignoring her last comment. I didnt want to talk about it. It was a personal thing.

"Weren't you the one who wanted to promise that we don't keep anything from each other anymore?" I asked, getting angry that he was completely ignoring this.

I sighed. She had me there.. "I'm sorry.." I began, and I rubbed my forehead. She knew I hated talking about my emotions, a typical guy thing.
"Ive been having these dreams.. of the girl my dad made me help burry.. and its making me feel so guilty.. and just dreams of my dad, .. him being out there after killing my mom is not fair..." I said, covering my face with my hands..

I scooted close to him and rubbed his back soothingly. "You're right." I whispered. "It isn't fair." I made him look at me. "But you can't keep blaming yourself."

I looked up at her, my eyes starting to fill with tears. Shes the only person ever, to see my like this at my weakest point.. "I keep thinking about what would hapoen if he came here, and if he hurt you.. or your Mom. I couldnt live with it because I had the opportunity to kill him, I did.. but I out the gun down and went on.."

"That is because you are not a killer Angus. You were young and scared. And who knows.. Maybe he's dead down." I said, gently wiping the tears from his cheeks.

Every one has a breakdown here and there, but mine were getting close together, and that alone worrying me. I nodded, and I hugged her tightly. "Thanks for outting.up with my shit.." I said, with a small airy laugh..

"You don't always have to be so strong Angus. At least not with me." I said, hugging him back lovingly.

I nodded, and after a while I pulled back, calming mt mini anxiety attack..

"Now.. Will you please eat something?" I kissed his cheek. "Please?"

I really was not hungry. It was a side effect from my pain medication for my leg. "Fine.." I said, not able to say no to her when she said please like that. I stood,and made.myself a pb and j, and I ate that at the table.

"Thank you." I said softly, ruffling his hair. I went upstairs and began to tidy up my room.

My phone started ringing, and I answered. It was an old buddy of mine. He wanted to go and get drinks. He sounded very different .. I agreed and I let Astoria know before leaving.

I didn't like the idea of him going out and drinking when he's not even of legal age yet, but I didn't want to be controlling. If he got arrested that would be his problem. I invited Alyssa over and we watched TV and smoked a blunt. I smoke pot occasionally. It's the only "drug" I've ever done because everything else is extremely dangerous.

When at the bar, I found a table and waited for my friend.. but who I saw was not my friend. It was my Dad..

"So where's Angus?" Alyssa asked me. "At the bar with an old friend." I answered.

I quickly stood, and I walked past him, and I left the bar quickly.. once home, I walked in, and went right to my room, and laid on my bed, sighing.

He looked upset. "Excuse me." I said to Alyssa. I got up and went to his room. "Babe?..." I ran my fingers through his hair. "What's wrong?"

I looked at her and sighed. "My Dad was at the bar.." I said softly. I could smell a little bit of weed. "You should let me have some of that.." I said. "The weed."

"Of course. I'll be right back." I answered. I went and rolled a blunt, then I went back and took a hit before handing it to him. "It's good shit." I said, sitting with him. "Your dad?... So it was him who called you? Not your friend?"

I chuckled when she took a hit. I took a good hit also, breathing it out. "Wow. " I said, smiling. "But, yeah.. It was him who called me. I left before he could say anything to me "

We passed the blunt back and forth until we finished it. I felt fuzzy and giggly. The munchies would be hitting me soon. I laid down and pulled him with me. "Should we be scared?.." I asked.