Cautious Love

This was bad. All of this.. I walked into her bedroom and sat at the foot of her bed. "We have to talk.." I said softly

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, nodding in agreement. "Let's talk then.."

"Your treatment.." I began. "Two options.." I began, after doing a shitload of research, and my own experience when mt grandma had cancer. "The surgery, very very risky.. not good odds against it at all.. then right after that surgery, youre still not done, and you have to do radiation treatments on it.. it feels like they are burning a hole in you when its done, uncomfortable.. then theres the second option.. Chemo. It shrinks the Tumor untill its gone completely. You lose your hair, and feel shitty for a while... lose weight.. but theres breaks in between.." I said,

I turned my face away from him and I closed my eyes. "Neither of those sound good.." I mumbled. And I sighed shakily. "I don't know, Angus.. I can't believe this is happening.."

"Come here.." I said, and I took her hand and pulled her close to me. "I think chemo is the best option.." I said quietly, and kissed her neck.

I buried my face in his chest and began to sob quietly, shaking my head over and over. "I don't want to go through that.. If I'm going to die from this, I don't want to suffer by going through chemo first.."

"No.. please Astoria dont say that..." I said, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tightly.. tears ran down my cheeks, and my heart was being ripped from my chest..

I looked up and saw that he was crying and I gently wiped the tears away. "Please don't cry Angus.." I whispered, looking into his glossy eyes.

"Its really hard not to.. especially when you're trying to help.. but nothing is working..." I said, looking away and loosening my grip slightly.. I didnt want to lose her..

I closed my eyes and slowly let my body relax in his warm embrace. "I promise we'll be okay." I whispered. "Please let's not talk about it anymore today.." The medication was starting to take effect and I was getting numb and drowsy.

"Okay.." I said, and I rubbed her back gently in calming circles.. what about me wanting to propose?.. "In a little while.. lets go to the fort.."

I smiled and tilted my face up to kiss his jaw gently. "Okay." I whispered. And in a few minutes I was out.. Sleeping deeply in his arms.

I shifted slightly so I was laying down, her drugged up and in my arms.. she needed this rest, with no pain to bother her.

A few hours later, I woke up with the pain and I sighed, slowly sitting up and wincing. I wasnt tired anymore, at least.

I had also fallen asleep, and when I felt her sit up, I opened my eyes and sighed.. I sat up also and I rubbed her back and kissed her neck, trying to coach her through the pain

I looked up at him and sighed, smiling slightly. "Thanks.." I mumbled. I slowly swung my legs off of the bed and stood up, gasping in pain. I walked to the bathroom and found that it was extremely painful to use. Then I walked out and collapsed on the couch, the pain making me dizzy.

It pained me to see her like that.. it really did.. it scared me so bad also.. I grabbed her pills and walked down and had her take one, then we were on our way to the fort.

Once we were there, I sat down on the pillows and looked around, a small smile on my face. Then I looked up at Angus, a pain growing in my heart. I love him. And I'm scared of the possibility of me dying.

Once she was on the pillows, I knelt on one knee and kissed her softly.. I then stayed on one knee and I pulled the felt box from my pocket.. I wanted her to know how much I lived her before going head first into this cancer.. "Astoria.. you have been apart of my life for so long.. and I want it to last forever. You have helped me so much, and at this time.. it's time I help you.. and I will, and I'll be by your side the whole time.. please, marry me.."

I looked down at the ring, and into his eyes, and I felt tears began to well up in my eyes. "I want nothing more than to marry you Angus.." I whispered. "But.. What if I don't survive Angus?" I closed my eyes and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"Hon.. your will beat this.. I'd anything goes wrong, I still have bragging rights to being engaged to the most perfect woman I've ever met.." I said, wiping her eyes.

I looked up into his warm eyes and I slowly smiled. "Okay." I whispered, and I leaned forwards and kissed him gently.

"That's a yes?.." I asked softly after pulling away. I needed a solid answer. Just to hear her say it and confirm that she was mt fiancee..

I smiled sweetly and nodded. "Yes." I whispered.

I pressed my lips to hers after that, and I gently ran my hand up and down her arm.. she said yes! I would pick her up and spin her, but that would hurt her.

I rested a hand on his cheek and I kissed him back slowly, my heart swelling with love for this amazing guy who is both my best friend and fiancé.

I pulled away, and sat beside her, and I slipped the ring on her finger, and smiled like mad.

(His is the bottom, hers is the top. Took a while, sorry.)

http://www.idreamsjewelry.com/images/rings/CRM0016.jpg

I looked down at the ring and grinned, before looking up into his eyes. "I love you Angus. So much." I whispered, pecking his lips.

"I love you too.. forever, alright?" I said, smiling. "Nothing can stop me from loving you.. not even this stupid cancer."

I smiled sweetly. "I'm so glad." I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my forehead against his, glancing at his lips before looking back up into his eyes.

I pulled her closer to me, and I kissed her passionately, lovingly... With as much love and passion I could sum up

I closed my eyes and kissed him back deeply, humming lightly behind the kiss. I gently ran my fingertips on the back of his neck. His kiss sent shivers up and down my spine.

I was scared to pull her into my lap, to really hold her.. But I didn't want to risk hurting her. I put y hands on her hill and rubbed softly, groaning behind the kiss also, letting my teeth snag her lip playfully

I smiled behind the kiss, knowing that he was scared of hurting me. But being with him distracts me from the pain. I slowly moved so I was straddling his lap, kissing him deeper.

The effect she had on me was crazy.. I already felt excitement build up inside of me. But we couldn't do this, not in her state.. I kissed her slowly, lowering the passion of the kiss at an easy decline. "We can't." I said after pulling away for a moment. "Not until you're better.."

I sighed and looked down. "I know.." I whispered. But what if I never get better? I got up and walked out of the fort, going to the little river. I hate this.. What did I do to deserve this?

I let her wonder off and I stayed behind.. What was she thinking? I couldn't imagine.. After a bit I walked out and to her location. "We should get back.. Since you just had pain meds.."

I sighed. "Yeah..." I answered. I walked with him back to the house and then I did some research until about 10 PM. I walked into Angus's room and sat on the edge of his bed. "I did some research and chemo could potentially ruin any chances of me having kids and Angus.. I want kids someday. So I think.. I should.. Do the surgery."

I sat up and looked over at her. Then I thought for a moment, and I ran my hands through my hair. It's so risky. Then i nodded.. "Okay.." I said, looking at her.

I leaned in and kissed him softly. "I know it's risky.. But I believe in fate. So if I'm meant to live through this.. I will."