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I had alot of steam to blow off.. I grabbed my keys agaib, and I walked past her, and headed outside to my car, and I soed off, and went back to the gym. I overworked every muscle in my body, and it ended in a nasty muscle tear, shich left me in the hospital overnight.
I went with Alyssa and I vented and cried, and cried some more. I'll have to do this completely on my own. I called the doctor and they said to come in for my first sonogram in a week.
((That's when she'll find out she's not actually pregnant.))
I had to wear tons of compression bands on my leg untill it was healed, if it didnt heal, I would need surgery. Once back home, I was just locked in my room. I was so tempted to shoot up, but I didnt have any.. but the craving was strong..
I wanted to cut so badly. But I didn't have razors anymore. I even visited our spot and that made things even worse. I ran into Ashley at the mall and it wasnt a friendly confrontation.
Four days passed, and I had to talk to Astoria, .. I wanted a calm, cool conversation.. I went to her friends house, and I knocked on the door.. my heart was racing. Could I do this?..
I heard someone knocking on the door, and Alyssa was in the shower so I answered it. My heart sank when I saw Angus there. "What?" I asked, my voice steely.
It sucked, seeing her open the door. And only a look of disappointment clear on her face. "Can you just answer this question honestly for me?.. did you cheat on me?" I asked her.
I didn't meet his eyes. I just looked down. "No." I answered. It was the truth. I never cheated on him.
I leaned against the doorway, my leg killing me, where I pulled the muscles, the compression bands visible because I was wearing jean shorts. "Okay.." I said softly. "Look at me.." I said, and I tucked the strand behind her ear. "I believe you.. but.. cant you blame.me.for thinking the way I did? I mean.. you remember, I didnt... release." I said, and I looked down, and I took her hand. "Im sorry.."
I looked up at him, and then at our hands. "I needed you there for me." I whispered. "You have no idea how hard this is. Being pregnant." I sighed and let go of his hand. "I get my first sonogram tomorrow morning."
I sighed, and I ran my hand through my hair. I had let my facial hair grow in just a bit, bit trimmed nicely. "Come home.. please.. ill take you tomorrow.." I said, and I took her hand again, and pulled her into a tight hug.. I buried my face in her shoulder.. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." I said.. "I've... always wanted to be a Dad..."
I closed my eyes and hugged him back tightly, sighing shakily. "Only if you shave your face." I said with a chuckle. I hate facial hair. Gross. I pulled away and kissed his cheek. "Really?" I asked, referring to the last comment.
I chuckled, and shrugged. "Maybe.. its just a beard, comeonnn.." I said. And I nodded. "Yeah.. I mean, a little boy would be .. amazing. Or a girl." I said
I smiled. "A boy would be nice." I said, pecking his lips. "But seriously though, shave or I'll never kiss you again." I teased.
"Comeonnn. I know you like it." I said, and I rubbed my scruffy fave in her cheek, laughing as she squirmed. I stopped and winced, that not being easy on my leg
I noticed him wince, then I saw what he had on his leg. "What happened?" I asked.
"I.. tore three muscles." I said, shaking my head. "I blew too much steam off at the gym and went over the weight limit for squats and I pulled one, and tore two others." I said.
"Ouch.." I frowned. "I'm sorry." I said softly. I hugged him once more. "Lets go home."
"Yeah.. lets go.." I said, and we for her things and we drove back. I helped her with her bag, and once inside I set it on her bed. "So what time is the appointment?"
"10." I said softly, resting my hand on my stomach and sitting down. I'm so nervous..
"Alright." I nodded. "Hey.." I said, turning to her, and sitting by her, I wrapped an arm around her and kissed her jaw softly. "Everything will be okay.. alright? We are ready.."
I nodded. "Yeah.." I whispered, smiling slightly. I'm just glad he's with me now.
"Im not going anywhere.." I said, and I kissed her lips softly. After I pulled away, I felt her forehead. Warm.. "Here.. lay down, rest.. I'll get you some water."
I nodded and changed into comfortable clothes, laying down in bed. He's so good to me..
Now that she was pregnant, I would spoil the hell out of her, and I wanted her to feel like she was top priority to me.
I got her some water, and heated up a cuponoodles for her. I brought them to her, and I laid beside her.
I ate my noodles and drank my water quietly, then I snuggled into our position. "I love you." I whispered.
"I love you too." I said softly, and I kissed her cheek softly, purposely bugging her with my little beard
"Ugh, that's gross. Go shave!" I said, turning away from him.
"Fine." I said softly, and I went and did just that, and when I came back I pouted. "Better?"
I smiled. "Yes." I answered. I sat up and put my hands on his cheeks and I kissed him softly.
I kissed her back sweetly, and when she pulled away, I pupled her into my lap, her straddling me. "Okay, so.. names. Do you want to pick the girl name?"
I chuckled. "You already want to think of names?" I asked, running my fingers through his hair.
"Maybe." I said. "So, I was thinking Dexter for the boy, right? Cool huh? But the full name being Dexter Morgan Jones. Aah? Aah?" I said, nudging her, chuckling.
I giggled. "You're such a nerd." I said, kissing his nose. "I like it."
"What? Me? No..." I said, rubbing her sides. "But really, what do you think? Dont change this subject on me, Astoria." I said, knowing I was being a dork.
"I said I like it." I said, smiling at him. It's a pretty cool name.
"Just double checking. Okay, and if its a girl.." I said, motioning to her stomach. "Any ideas?" I asked, and I found nyseld really loving this conversation.
I smiled thoughtfully. "Hmm... I really like Cara." I said, biting my lip thoughtfully.
"Its cute." I said, smiling. "Are we going to have to get our own place?" I asked, rubbing her thighs soothingly.
I shrugged. "I don't know." I answered, rearing my hands on his shoulders.