Cautious Love

I groaned as I stood up, and I shook my head slowly. "But.. I.. I...I...." I began, losing my train of thought. I looked down at my bag and I grabbed it, lazily throwing it over my shoulder. "I promised I woo..wouldn't talk to you.." I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and walking out with her, leaning on her slightly. "Did I ever.. Apologize? Its really hard to.. To not talk to such a st..stunning girl like you.." I ranted. "I mean, I freaking love you, why would I ever want to le.. Leave you, I don't knowwww..." I continued to mumble on, some words unreadable.
Soon we were outside and I slowly got in the car. "Wow.. Is this a space ship?.. Astoria, can we .. Go to heaven in a spaceship? I want .. To see my mom."

Did he just say he freaking loved me? I helped him in the car and I began to drive back home. My heart clenched when he said he wanted to see his mom. I didn't say anything, I just kept driving. I parked at home, looking over at him.

"Your house is heaven? Why.. Didn't you tell me?" I asked, looking at her,stunned. "Well.. Since you live here, I guess it counts as heaven." I mumbled. "What's this!" I mumbled, pulling on my seatbelt, confused as hell

I sighed and got out, going to his size and helping him out of the car. I helped him inside, then I pushed him down on his bed and room his shoes off. "Go to sleep."

"Okay.." I mumbled, and I did just that, sleeping for a few hours before waking up, and running to the bathroom to puke my guts out.. Then I took some pain medication, both my head and shoulder killing me.. I brushed my teeth then I realized where I was.. I walked out into the hallway, confused..

I heard footsteps, and I stepped out, crossing my arms. "You promised me that you would stop." I said to him softly, the darkness in the hallway concealing my expression.

"I'm sorry.." I said, looking down.. "I needed to feel numb because I.." I began. "I.. Just needed it, so bad.." I said, taking a step closer.

I stayed rooted to the spot, watching his silhouette. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I was torn between feeling sorry for him and still being mad at him.

"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry..." I said, my voice breaking., I can't make anyone happy., ever... I keep hurting people I love.. I backed away and I grabbed all the stuff I use to do my heroin, and I handed it to her, all in a bag.. "Get rid of this.." I said, and I backed away and went into my bedroom.. "The dose I took was supposed to kill me.. Dammit.."

I went and disposed of the heroin, then I sat in my room and cried silently. He's hurting.. And so am I.. And I don't know what to do about it..

I laid there on the bed, letting my own emotions flow, I had my head in a pillow, and I was crying also.. Flashbacks from everything came back, and with this situation currently, it was too much.
I had so much guilt an regret crushing me..

I slowly cried myself to sleep, feeling alone and miserable. The next morning I some up and rolled over. My eyes were red and puffy and I felt like shit. I felt broken.

(Should we skip to summer break? The day after graduation? But they still have had like no progress with each other..)

(Day after graduation)

(Alright!)

There's been no real conversations with each other, we've grown apart, and its scaring me, a lot.. I sat in my room, holding my diploma, and I sighed, no one was there, none of my family.. And Astoria was doing her own thing. I felt like I had no one.. Tears filled my eyes, and I wiped them quickly..

I made it home and I went in my room and changed out of my cap and gown. I called dad and he congratulated me. I was supposed to visit him soon. I then thought about Angus.. I miss him... I slowly got up and went to his room, knocking on his door before entering. "Hey.."

I quickly set my diploma down, and looked up, smiling slightly.. "Hey.." I said softly, looking down.. "Will.. Things ever be the same?.." I blurted, looking back up at her. "You don't understand how much I miss you.."

I was shocked at his sudden outburst. I slowly closed the door behind me. "I.. Miss you too..." I answered softly.

To hear her return the words was a shock to me.. I slowly stood, and walked over to her, pulling her into a warm welcoming embrace, my arms around her waist tightly, and comfortably.. My face in her neck, breathing a sigh of relaxation.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I hugged him back tightly, closing my eyes. This felt wonderful.. And so loving.

I just hugged her for a while, so glad this was happening.. My heart clenched in a loving way, and I kissed her jaw softly before pulling away and looking back into her eyes.. "I hope.. Everything is behind us.." I said softly, and I slowly took half a step back, our faces were way to close. I mean, I was dine with it,, but was she?.. I am friendzoned..

I stared into his sad, warm eyes, and I felt disappointed when he moved away. "What are you.. Thinking, right now?" I asked slowly.

How beautiful you look Right now..I looked back at her and I couldn't help but notice the softness in her voice, it was odd. "How.. Happy I am.. About, graduating. I mean,.." I began, nervously, picking the diploma up. "Its really the only good to thing I've done my whole life." I said.

I broke eye contact and I looked away. "I'm sure your mother would be proud." I said, and I turned and left the room, trying to compose myself. This is so hard.. Pretending..

"She would be.." I said softly, and I set it down, and looked up to see she was gone. "Astoria.." I said. "Please come back.." I said, that look, it was a look of hurt..

I heard my name and I stopped, taking a deep breath before turning around and walking back. "What?" I asked.

"Am I.. In the friendzone?" I asked, slowly grabbing her wrist, and pulling her a little close, looking into her eyes.. She was stunning, wow.. My heart was racing.

I stared into his beautiful eyes, my heart literally stopping. I blinked and tried to find words. "W-What?" I breathed. I swear, he can probably hear my pounding heart.

I could feel her pulse in her wrist, and it made me chuckle. "Am I friendzoned?" I asked softly, again. "Please be honest, I can take it."

I stared at him for a long moment, then I slowly shook my head. "No." I whispered.

I stared at her for a while, comprehending this. "Did I hear right?" I asked, blinking quickly. I couldn't stop the smile on my face..

I cracked a tiny smile and I nodded. "Yeah... You heard me right.."

I looked back at her, and I gave her wrist a squeeze, then I moved to her hand, and I laced our fingers together. "You were stunning at graduation last night.."

I felt tingles running up and down my arm as he held my hand. "Thank you." I whispered, looking down at our hands.

I slowly let her hand go, and I stepped closer, cupping her face with my hands.. I moved a strand of hair out of her face.. and I pressed my lips to hers, sparks flying.. my whole world felt complete..

I instantly melted into the kiss, my hands resting on his wrists. I closed my eyes and kissed him back slowly, savoring the taste. I felt sparks. I've never felt anything like this with anyone. I just wished this would have happened sooner.

She was an outstanding kisser, and I couldnt get enough of this, I never wanted this moment to end. I moved my lips against hers, and when she did the same, it was like we were in sync..
I moved my hands down to her hips, oulling her body to mine gently.

I let my arms wrap around his neck, letting myself be pulled to him, as if by some gravitational force. I love him. I always have. I realized that the night he went out with Ashley.

"Okay kiddos." I heard her mom say as she was walking down the stairs. I quickly pulled way, and pretend nothing had happened. She walked into the doorway, smiling. "I wont be home untill two in the morning, or three.. crazy night at the bar tonight." She said, and then she was off.
My lips were still tingling from the kiss.. I looked back at her, and smiled.

I was blushing like crazy. I smiled back at him and stepped forwards, kissing his neck gently, before turning and leaving his room.