Cautious Love

"Im just.. frustrated." I said, looking up at him. "Not with you. With myself." I said.

I frowned at her. "Why are you frustrated with yourself?" I asked.

"I keep.. blaming myself for things that werent my fault." I said. My parents.. I knew.it wasny my fault that theu died.. but I still blamed.myself.for things..

I sighed. "Well, I can understand why, with your parents and all. But blaming yourself won't change the past. But if you come to terms with what happened, and you stop blaming yourself, that'll make all the difference in the world. To you, and your parents."

I looked at him.. he was right . "Thank you.." I said softly.. "And.. my parents.. I just felt rhat I could stop the gunman. I saw the whole thing. My parents getting shot down in front of me.." I said, looking down as my eyes watered up..

I sat up and gently took her hand and pulled her on the bed next to me. "Hey, listen to me." I said softly. "There was nothing you could do. Guns will always win against humans." I put my arm around her and hugged her tightly.

I felt.. comforted.. it was a new strange feeling. I hugged him, and I took a shaky breath.. "Thank you.." I said.. "I.. just need someone to help me at this time.." I said

I rubbed her back gently and looked down at her. "I don't know if I'm the right person to help you... But I'll try my best." I said softly.

"I just need someone." I said. "And. Ill help you too, if.. you want." I said, and I looked up at him, smiling slightly.

I smiled back. "That'll be a challenge. According to my mom I'm past the point of no return."

"Im up for challenges." I said, looking down, I gave his hand a squeeze before letting it go.

I sighed when she let go of my hand, and I moved my arm. "Alrighty then." I said with a smile.

I saw the disappointing look in his eyes when I let go if his hand, I took it slowly again.. "Thank you.. and. You know what helps me with addiction . The gym."

I chuckled and looked down at our hands. "How so?" I asked.

"You just.. take everything out on the equipment and in my case, the volleyball. And trust me, it helps."

I chuckled. "Whatever you say." I said. I looked out the window and sighed. At least this is better than home.

"I was going to go now. Want to join?" I asked him, looking up, smiling

I shrugged. "Sure." I went and changed and then walked down with her.

We went to the gym and it was a blast, having someone to do this with.. when we got back to the room, I took a shower and went to sleep, exhausted..
Then I had that dream. That same terrifying dream. I found my parents.. dead.. I jumped up in the middle of the night, qnd I tried to quietly calm myself, but my silent crying and anxiety both sparked up, and I quickly went into the bathroom, and I got out the whiskey I hid, and I drank and drank,..

I woke up when I heard crying, and I got worried when she didnt come out. I got up and went to the bathroom and I caught her drinking. I quickly took the bottles from her. "Stop!"

I didnt have much to drink, I just hugged my knees to my chest and I pressed my forhead to my knees, letting my hair fall like a curtain.. "Im s...so sorry...."

I sat down next to her and gathered her in my arms. "Hey.. It's okay.. What happened?"

I hated having These .. breakdowns. I leaned into his warm embrace ,.. "Just.. a nightmare.." I said, calming down..

I rubbed her back gently. "It'll be okay.. I promise."

"I didnt mean drink.. im so sorry..." I said, burying my face in his neck..

I gently pulled her in my lap. "Shh.. Stop apologizing.."

My breathing evened out, and soon I was calmed down. I felt buzzed, and tired.. I was glad I had no makeup on, and I slowly brushed my hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. "Thank you.. I.. didnt mean for you to see me like this.. im never like this.."

"I'm always here." I said softly, and I went back to our room and laid down, watching the TV.

I threw the bottles away, and I went and laid back down, curling up in the bed. "I love this show." I said, looking at the screen.

I looked up at her and smiled. "Me too." I replied.