Vae Victis

"Don't engage without permission..." Caleb mimicked in an annoyed fashion. It was obvious what he wanted to do. This manner in which Caleb chose to live his life, being so obnoxious, got on Nikita's nerves. A clear hint to how he will do things if it came down to it. All in all, Caleb had followed orders to a 'T', but things were already so off that day. What could possibly happen and what was going through his mind made his choice already. Permission or not, if he saw there was business to get done, he'd do it.

This was getting serious. Dragons were coming.

The idea to not engage unless they had permission wasn't well met. What if they didn't say anything on their end? What if something happened and the order to attack wasn't given or maybe the message wasn't sent right. What if it was blocked somehow? S'Rye wasn't thinking it would, but the possibility that the order to engage would fall short was on Oliver's mind. A kind of switch happened for him. He got into a mode of defense. Mostly for his little sister.

"Sometimes, hounds can chew through their leashes." J'aquen said to her. He kept a wary eye on Caleb.

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Elaine followed his gaze and nodded in understanding. So far, there was every indication that Caleb was a hot-blooded rookie, the kind most likely to get killed, and Elaine realized that from this moment on, the lives of her squad were truly in her hands. She was beginning to feel the weight of her rank.

"All right, Raiders," she said. "Final check, make sure everything is working and stay alert. Just remember your training and we'll make it through this."

A few minutes later, Captain Rawne spoke again, this time to notify everyone of the coming attack, ETA 5 minutes. The dragons were moving fast. Elaine's heart rate steadily increased as the adrenaline started to flow.

In the first minute, sirens blared as the rail gun turrets prepared to fire. The air began to hum as the shield antenna was activated. Elaine knew that as long as it held, the turrets would be able to fire with impunity, but by the sounds of things, there was going to be a lot of dragons, probably more than enough to get past the initial barrage.

In the second minute, the rail guns fired a blistering salvo at targets still too far away to be seen with the naked eye. The sizzling roar of the heavy weapons were almost deafening as they shook the very air, and Elaine was forced to squint against the vision searing light as it saturated the sky. The firestorm lasted for a full minute.

By the fourth minute, the dragons were returning fire and by the fifth, they were close enough to be seen. The air rippled like boulders smashing into water as plasma beams lanced across the shield. There was a gap underneath it that allowed the turrets to fire out from, but at such a close range, they were now highly vulnerable and effectively useless. The tanks rolled forward as the rail guns were pulled back on magnetic tracks. Soldiers wearing individual mech suits followed in support.

Now that the dragons had gotten close enough, their fire became devastatingly accurate and Elaine saw five tanks explode into scrap before they could even counter attack. With the shield still holding, the only ones in danger were the people on the front line, which was exactly where Elaine's squad were just standing behind.

"Oh shit!" Jenkins yelled as several tanks in front suddenly exploded. A dull boom sounded afterwards and Elaine could see a ball of light glowing through the smoke. It took a split second for her to realize that a dragon had just landed in front of the wrecked tanks, and it was beginning to fire.

"SHIELD WALL!" Elaine shouted as she raised her energy shield and activated it, just in time to avoid getting vaporized.

Rush of excitement and fear was felt as the battle began. Well, as the attack began. So far the Raiders were all high on alert which was building up inside them. S'Rye, who was being crowded by Oliver, was anxious and this made her iris fully black out. Both eyes looked like deep pools of ink.

J'aquen was all business now. No time to even think about jokes, let alone crack them. Nikita narrowed her eyes. This one could be it. This one could be number two on her list. By her hand. It had to be by her hand or it didn't count. Yet even she was smart enough not to take stupid risks. No one held much hope for Caleb. He was way too mouthy and reckless.

"Let's just do this!" Caleb was antsy, fidgety.

"Stay down." Oliver warned him. Stoner he may be, but idiot he was not.

"Caleb, don't do anything-"

The tank was hit, Elaine's shout was made, and the Raiders pulled up their shields. Well, almost all of them. The image of Caleb trying to dodge the beam, just like the maneuvers of the great Major Chiria, was soon nothing more than a faded memory as the beam hit him. This sudden shock of first death made J'aquen's blood run cold. As much as Nikita didn't like Caleb, he had still been a comrade. Not enough to add to her list, but enough to get that rage in her.

"NO!" S'Rye lamented. Oliver raised his hand, as if to calm her. But what could S'Rye do but feel that loss? They were going to hang out after this mission. He was the first boy to really pay any attention to her, romantically speaking.

Now he was gone. In that one move.

"Damn it!" Elaine spat as she lowered her shield to fire her Buster gun into the smoke. The dragon immediately lifted into the air and flew away with a few flaps of its vast armoured wings, letting out a deep roar that was felt rather than heard.

It was black as gunmetal and about as large as a rail gun turret, but quick beyond anything reasonable for its size. As many tanks and mech infantry there were on the ground, they were all hard pressed to shoot the dragon down, let alone land any hits on it, but for the Raiders...

"Primary, this is 6, requesting permission to engage," Elaine said into her comms.

"Request denied," Rawne promptly responded. "Your contact is still flight capable. Do not engage until it has been grounded, do you copy?"

This is bullshit, Elaine thought as she reluctantly replied, "Yeah, I copy."

She looked up at the fleeing dragon, swearing that it wouldn't get away with what it had done, and then looked back to check on the squad. Seeing that S'Rye was looking distraught, Elaine said, "Stay focused, everybody. We'll get our revenge soon."

All around, tanks fired their cannons and the shield rippled and wavered as three dragons rained plasma from directly above. The fighter jets were scrambled to deal with them.

"We should be up there," Jenkins commented.

"I know," Elaine replied. Half a kilometre to the east, she saw another squad of Raiders moving to overwhelm a downed dragon, their jetpacks trailing blue light. As inappropriate as it seemed, Elaine felt cheated somehow.

Nikita raised her buster gun to shoot just before the beast took to the sky, but it was no use. Too far by now anyway. Without having taken a shot, she lowered her weapon. They weren't supposed to engage, which may have been the real reason why she didn't fire. That sometimes puzzled, even herself, that she had some kind of barrier placed in her mind. An order was her law.

"I don't like feeling as if we're being babysat." J'aquen gruffed.

"Speak for yourself." Oliver's eyes hadn't wavered from being alert. Just as his ears strained to keep his senses at heights. If anything, he was hoping things would keep off their shoulders. For S'Rye's sake.

S'Rye was silent, keeping her frown-pressed lips from quivering from how upset she was about Calebs death. Inside, she was feeling the ache that most Rookies feel when met with a tragedy like this. The Buster gun was held tight in her grip as she waited for their turn to attack.

The battle continued to rage on and after ten minutes, the situation remained relatively unchanged. The shield was still taking a beating, the dragons were still in the air and soldiers were still dying like flies, trying to bring them down. As far as Elaine saw, the situation was bad indeed, but still salvageable if the soldiers kept up the fight. Unfortunately, several of them didn't see it that way.

"Oh gods, what are they doing?" Elaine said as she saw a line of tanks beginning to waver, a few in full reverse.

The ones that remained on the front line were growing fewer and fewer, and as yet another tank became engulfed in flames, the armoured squadron lost heart altogether and broke into a rout. The black dragon that killed Caleb chased the tanks with plasma beams as they retreated underneath the shield umbrella.

Elaine gritted her teeth as she seriously pondered disobeying orders and going out to fight the dragon, grounded or not.

"Sergeant." Nikita spoke up. But why? She was usually so quiet. Yet watching this havoc before her eyes made Nikita's rage build up. The words she wanted to speak were on everyones mind, but it was not her to bring it up.

"It's like, now or never, man." Oliver sighed, shaking his head.

That was the hint. Though they all knew what Oliver was saying. J'aquen wanted to try again, with asking permission to attack. As much as he wanted to break orders, he was hoping those idiots would have enough sense to just let them attack!

"Serg?" S'Rye always seemed to look to Elaine for queues. This one was no different.

"Come on." Oliver urged, and he was certain that his decision to stick with S'Rye, to keep her safe, involved breaking a few rules. This was nothing but water off a ducks back 'to break rules'.

"Elaine?" J'aquen looked at her with concern.

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Elaine shut her eyes as she wrestled with the decision. The smoke of the battlefield drifted all around and the first tank to retreat was but a few metres away now, set to keep on trundling past the Raiders. Even as the soldiers had withdrawn to safety beneath the shield, the dragon's barrage of plasma beams was unrelenting. It was the perfect storm of noise, dust, fire and fear.

Now or never, Oliver's words echoed in Elaine's mind. Yes, something had to be done. The soldiers were in retreat and the dragon had been left free to wreak havoc in their zone, something had to be done now.

Her mind now made up, Elaine raised her gun towards the sky and said, "Raiders..."

Charge, she was just about to say until a missile flew out from under the shield and exploded against the dragon's wing. Several more followed, each impacting against roughly the same spot and with no time to respond, the dragon failed to evade any of them. As it let out a roar of agony and began to plummet, Elaine turned to see the soldiers who brought it down, emerging from the smoke of the battlefield.

"Hold the line!" the voice of Hopkins sounded from the mech trooper in the lead. "Hold the fucking line you assholes!"

The unit had been outside of the shield, fighting as skirmishers and taking full advantage of their mobility. Now it seemed they were coming back to do what the tanks had failed to do and reestablish some order. Elaine watched with frank amazement as Hopkins single-handedly bullied the tanks back into line.

"Oi, what are you waiting for?" the sergeant major called out when he noticed Elaine and her squad. "There's a dragon that needs killing!"

Elaine nodded as a sign of acknowledgement and respect, then waved her gun forward as she shouted, "All right Raiders, let's go!"

A heartbeat later, Rawne's voice sounded through the squad's comms, "6, the dragon in your vicinity is down, you are clear to engage."

The anticipation was driving the Raiders up a wall. They were so intent on Elaine that J'aquen felt like the woman was some kind of starters gun. Just look at their faces. Nikita was half glaring, but not in an insulting way. She was just, intense. Oliver had been glancing between J'aquen and Elaine. One was his old and dear buddy and the other was his Sergeant. Either-or had authority in his eyes. Sometimes Oliver felt like J'aquen was the guy he'd rather follow, in any mission. S'Rye was simply going to do what Elaine did. In her mind, she was the best one to follow.

"Yes." Oliver seemed to fist pump when Elaine had began to make the call to attack. Yet, when Hopkins came around and set those guys straight, that made his spirit spark too. Even Hopkins was in on the same idea. Kill them dragons!!

"Let's do this." J'aquen nodded and it was all the more of a relief, especially to Nikita, when Rawne spoke.

Charging ahead, All the Raiders made for the dragon, buster guns up and ready to attack. Nikita was the first one to shoot. A rage face as her expression. The once docile and blunt woman now was pissed off and ready to kill. The rest were just as eager.

In the air or on the ground, a dragon was still deadly and Elaine made sure to never forget it. In this instance however, she was fine with throwing caution to the wind as she dashed past the tanks and out from under the shield. At this very moment, the dragon had just hit the ground and was still reeling from the shock of so many missiles slamming into it. It was the perfect opportunity to charge, but speed was of the essence.

As Nikita fired on the run, Elaine didn't even pause to admonish the waste of energy. She only waited for the right moment to take to the air, and as the squad ran faster than any animal in existence, quick enough to close the distance in a matter of seconds, Elaine saw the dragon recovering and preparing to fire, and she knew that it was now or never. It was time to strike!

"JUMP!" Elaine shouted as she leaped ten metres into the air and fired her jetpack, speeding towards the dragon like a rocket.

The dragon opened its maw to spit plasma and at the last second, Elaine activated her grav-belt, halting in midair so she could twist around and fire her jetpack in another direction, narrowly dodging the beam.

"Surround and harass," she instructed the squad as she rocketed into the sky, looking down to assess the situation. "Only close if there's a decent opening."

Not expecting a reply, she cut off her jetpack and dropped towards the dragon again, ready to dodge or block another attack at a moment's notice as it twisted this way and that, trying to focus on a target.

Flying with one push off the ground felt exhilarating, despite the overwhelming sense of fear at the back of their minds. Raiders were dragon killers, but Dragons killed too. Caleb was one such example. One that would haunt S'Rye. Elaine would know how that is.

J'aquen had loved and lost, but he was not like the women around him. Or so he thinks. In his mind, it's a tragedy when a comrade dies. It's a loss. Each soul that is hit down, each man or woman that gets blasted off the face of existence, they ALL matter. But, you gotta keep it going. Why should life get the last laugh? Why should dragons get the last laugh? J'aquen's not the kind of guy to let this happen.

Running with the others after hitting ground again, J'aquen shouted out to Oliver, who was guarding his sister like she was some wolfy-pup. "Cut the Pipsqueak loose, and get to the right, Olly" He demanded.

"Grr." Oliver wasn't so happy about that. "Whatever you say." He replied, breaking to the right.

J'aquen didn't need to say much to Nikita, who was on her game already. Her aim while running was a bit shaky, but she was getting in some good shots. If anyone was there that wanted this kill, it was Nikita. Her whole body language denoted one of great rage and determination. From the way she grit her teeth and scrunched her nose in focus.

S'Rye dodged a tail swipe, and leaned to her left to attack. She was feeling hot tears fill her eyes. But no, can't cry right now! Damn female emotions! If this dragon was gonna be taken down, she wasn't gonna be taken down with it!

While the dragon was distracted with the others, Elaine descended on it with her shield held at the ready to strike. Just as the dragon was opening its jaws and preparing to spit plasma again, Elaine swung her shield with the hard light field activated for a fraction of a second before shattering like a clap of thunder, delivering a massive blow to the dragon's skull and smashing its jaws shut into the ground.

"NOW!" Elaine shouted.

"I got it!" Jenkins replied, the first to close in on the dragon.

With his jetpack on full blast, Jenkins rocketed towards the dragon's left eye with his gun held in both hands, the bayonet aimed liked a spearhead.

The adrenaline rush had reached its peak in the Raider when he realized that this would be the death blow, and he could have sworn that the closer he got, the more time slowed down. Time enough to see the scales, see all the seams in the overlapping plates and look into the dragon's baleful eye.

See him and know what it's like to feel fear, dragon, Elaine thought with savage approval as Jenkins moved to strike. For a moment, she held her breath and in that point of time, she knew that everyone who was watching must have been thinking the same thing. Could this be it?

... And then horror struck.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl when Jenkins saw with perfect clarity that the tip of his bayonet was but a hand span away from the dragon's eye. After stabbing deep into the black pool of its malevolent stare, Jenkins then would have fired his Buster gun at full power, which would have pierced the brain and killed the dragon, making one less terror to deal with in this mad assault.

Instead, Jenkins found himself surrounded by darkness and heat, wondering in confusion about where he was, and then he felt nothing at all.

Quicker than anyone could see, the dragon had reared up its head with jaws wide open, wide enough to swallow a Raider whole. Not only did Jenkins disappear into the dragon's maw, but the moment a ball of light began to form, the Raider was also instantly vaporized.

"Move... MOVE!" Elaine commanded as she fired her jetpack to escape the imminent plasma beam.

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Another.

Nikita's glare filled eyes raged with a inner fire that marked the Dragons hide as her kill. She wasn't the only one to see red when they gazed upon the beast. Yet the two deaths that had occurred heightened her passion to attack. Listening to Elaine call out 'Move' and not 'retreat', gave room for interpretation. Moving TO the Dragon is still 'moving', you see?

"Niki!" J'aquen shouted. "NIKI!"

"She said MOVE" Nikita shot back, making a hard zig-zag towards the Dragons right. J'aquen shook his head, but he 'moved' towards the Dragons left. Oliver shoved S'Rye to the side, throwing her off balance, but not to compromise her. A message to stay back. He shot up, ready to block with a shield if he had to. That was his distraction, wanting to shoot the face of it with his buster gun.

"RAH!" J'aquen yelled as loud as he could. So did Oliver. Nikita was like a burst from a buster gun herself, racing for the tender spot.

As half the squad followed Nikita's example and charged towards the dragon, it swung its head from side to side in a wide arc whilst firing its plasma beam, scything through the air and two Raiders who were a few milliseconds too late to react. That made four people lost to this one dragon now. As if that wasn't bad enough, it then raised its wings and flew away before anyone could get close.

Elaine knew the effects of a shield stun could vary wildly, depending on the dragon's resilience, but this one had managed to recover almost instantly. In fact, it was quicker than any other Elaine had ever seen before. It was almost maddening.

"We have to cut it off," Elaine said urgently as she fired her jetpack and gave chase.

At full speed, it was possible to catch up to the dragon while it was still just taking to the sky, but before Elaine could get close, Thaddeus' voice spoke through the link, "Sergeant Chiria, you're leaving your zone. Return to it at once."

Elaine gritted her teeth in frustration. "Sir, my target's getting away, I have to pursue."

"That was an order, Sergeant. Return to your zone. Now."

"... Yes sir."

Elaine activated her belt and hovered in the air a moment, watching with resentful eyes as the dragon fled. All that effort gone to waste.

"Fall back," Elaine said to her squad as she turned around and returned to the base. "We lost this one."

We

Lost

This

One

Those words tightened Nikita's lips and her fist. Her throat felt tight with a slight hot throb. Like fire was rising up in her esophagus. Her com was off, but anyone would know what she would sound like. Everyone was sure they knew what Caleb WOULD have said. Probably cussed, blown a fuse. J'aquen only set a hand on her shoulder to console. This didn't help. It only did one thing. To let her know J'aquen still breathed. Still lived.

"Next time." He told her over the com. He couldn't hear her, but he didn't have to. J'aquen knew what she was thinking.

Next time? That's what you always say...'next time'.

A grunt was heard as S'Rye stomped up to Oliver and shoved him like he had her. She was obviously upset, obviously distraught on many levels. Her com was heard. The heavy uneven breathing, the sniffing up of snot that threatened to drip down her face just like her tears did.

"What is your problem!?" She shouted at him. Oliver had a shrug to offer her and a small sheepish smile that faded away faster than the setting sun. Nikita and J'aquen looked over at them. S'Rye hit Olivers arm. "I'm not a baby!" She yelled. "I don't NEED you to keep pushing me aside!" S'Rye took this as an offense. She had worked hard to be Raider. Every time Oliver took her under his little wing of protection, she felt like a whiny school girl that had to be sheltered.

"S'Rye, like...I'm sorry you know?" He tried to speak gently to her. S'Rye was still mad, she huffed and pushed him again.

"Hey, S'Rye, knock it off." J'aquen told her. He was like the older bro you don't wrestle with. She took a glance at him and stormed off. Oliver sighed deeply, crossing his arms. One of his shoulders did another shrug. He didn't know what to do or say. Not at this moment.

"Alright..." J'aquen frowned, then looked to Elaine.

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One of the squad removed his helmet and threw it down in anger as soon as he landed, another had a haunted look on his face as he shambled about like a living corpse, and then there was S'Rye... All the time, it was always the same whenever a dragon got away. Frustration didn't even begin to describe it and Elaine felt all too responsible for the squad's current state.

"Alright," she echoed as she turned away, unable to look J'aquen in the eye or anyone else for that matter.

How much better would things have gone if he was in charge? Elaine couldn't help but wonder and as much as she tried telling herself that these things happened sometimes, all she could think about now were her mistakes.

It was on her word that Jenkins had died. It was also her unclear order that sent half the squad charging towards the dragon instead of away from it, and perhaps Caleb's death was her fault in some way as well.

Elaine was a rational kind of person and knew that she shouldn't dwell on failures. It was her first day as a sergeant, mistakes were inevitable and the Colonel himself could very well share the blame for her ad hoc promotion... but it was her desire to remain on Cadeca that ultimately brought her here.

By Elaine's reasoning, it was all on her and just as she felt like falling into despair with the rest of her squad, Thaddeus's voice said over the link, "Everyone stay right where they are, no one pursue. Let the enemies run."

Then it dawned on Elaine. As she looked up, she saw the dragon that got away was not the only one to flee. Three others had joined it and were beating their wings furiously in retreat.

A victory then, Elaine thought as she removed her helmet, feeling the wind and dust of the battlefield on her face. But at what cost?

After some time, when it became certain that the dragons weren't coming back, Thaddeus eventually gave the order for the whole company to return to the Star Fort and Elaine let out a sigh of relief.

"All right guys... let's go back home," she said as she led the way back to Mira's shuttle.

When once there were rows of smiling faces, of applause, there was none now. Or if there was, no Raider cared to look up to see it. What place did smiling have here? They had to admit that they each felt a little bit good when they walked out of that shuttle to see these people cheering for them. Yet with each thud of their feet, S'Rye could only think of the lost set of boots that would never hit the ground again. Her eyes, glazed with tears, set onto the shuttle and blocked out the world around her.

No cheering now. No smiling. Only dirty, smelly, sad shades of men and women who walked back to home with news that they had lost more than they gained. Lost people.

It's like, you want to glance beside you. Because you think that if you do, you'll see a face. A face you thought would be there always. You have this feeling that they are there, just out of your view, and all you have to do is look. S'Rye felt her mind furiously bidding her to keep forward. Because then she can't be disappointed. You won't know for sure, but, you can't be truly hurt like knives being slit into your heart.

Was his death apart of some figment of her stressed mind? Or was it truly real, and taking a look beside you makes it a cold hard reality again, that slaps you in the face.

Her blazing red eyes swirling with the deepest sorrowful blue did not leave the shuttle's doors. All else was blocked from her mind. S'Rye could hear nothing besides the quieter foot prints, and to never feel a hand in hers. A hand she opened the palm of, to no one.

Oliver watched his sister walking ahead of him. Now he knew, he made a mistake letting Caleb talk to S'Rye. To chat her up. What was he thinking? He wasn't thinking. Oliver was too preoccupied with what Caleb would do, or could do, to S'Rye, be it stealing kisses or being a bit too flirtatious, he completely missed how his death might effect S'Rye.

"She's too young." Oliver frowned, not looking up at J'aquen, who knew what he meant. Too young to know that kind of grief. "Why man? Just..."

"I know." J'aquen's face was solemn and he did not pretend to know the answer to the question he knew Oliver would ask. Why did she have to be a Raider? Everyone has their reasons. His eyes slid over to Nikita.

Her tightlipped mouth barley quivered, but only J'aquen would know what she was feeling as those chocolate eyes burned the sky with hatred for those beasts. J'aquen's eyes trailed down the scar on Nikita's face.

Everyone has their reasons.

Along the way to the shuttle, Elaine saw Hopkins outside of his mech suit, speaking to his men. When their eyes met, the sergeant major nodded and Elaine returned the gesture, then continued on her way. It was all that was needed to acknowledge the shared experience of the hell they had gone through; that everyone just went through, soldiers and Raiders alike.

Morale had plummeted, of that there was no doubt. Elaine thought there was something she ought to say or do to fix it, but what? She hadn't the slightest idea since her specialty was killing dragons, not dealing with people. At the very least, their fight with the dragon did not go half as poorly as many a recruit's first time in battle, but was that any consolation at all? The dragon had gotten away and that rubbed raw for anyone, regardless of experience.

When the squad reached the shuttle, Mira poked her head out of the hatch and waved enthusiastically. "Ah, the heroes return!" she called out with a wide grin, which promptly disappeared when she noticed the general mood of the squad. "Oh, it didn't go so well, did it? All right, come on in. Ya'll just take a seat and relax now."

"Helmets off, guns and shields on racks," Elaine said before climbing into the shuttle and standing by the doorway to supervise. Then, as though it were an afterthought, she added, "You all did good today."

"Eh, so it did go well?" Mira asked, bemused. "Why all the long faces then?"

Elaine shot an annoyed look at the pilot. "Shouldn't you be preparing for flight?"

"When everyone's not on board yet? Aye, that makes sense."

Elaine opened her mouth to respond, but Mira made a piteous noise as soon as she saw S'Rye's face and went over to her in a hurry, holding the girl's head in both hands.

"You're one of the new ones ain't ya? Oh, c'mere darlin'. It must have been terrible out there."

As she held S'Rye in a hug, Mira looked at Elaine and said in a reproachful tone, "This one's been crying, haven't you said a single word of comfort to her, or anyone else around here for that matter?"

Elaine had nothing to say to that and simply shook her head before retreating into the shuttle, and falling into a seat.

"Come on all of you," Mira continued. "Hurry it up and get in for some rest. The sooner we get home, the better."

Nikita was not amused to hear Mira speak 'hero's return' when she reached the shuttle. Elaine's chatter about them 'doing good' didn't help either. None of it did. She just wanted to go home. In fact, Nikita just walked passed Mira who went to give S'Rye a hug.

It was a surprise at first, feeling those two hands hold her face. S'Rye took a moment to register who it was that looked into her eyes. At first she could have sworn she saw the eyes of Caleb staring back at her. This startled her, drawing a sharp gasp from S'Rye. Her heart beat slowed when Mira's gaze revealed itself behind the haze of grief that shrouded S'Rye's mind. The hug was as unexpected as the hold on her cheeks. It took her a few moments before S'Rye raised her hands and returned the embrace. Inside, she was numbing. This small act of friendly love brought the slightest feeling back to S'Rye's heart. She did not hear words around her. Only what she could see or touch. And even that was deceiving her.

Oliver took over for Mira, wrapping an arm around her, leading her to the shuttle seats. A brotherly finger went to wipe her tears from her eyes. J'aquen watched them go in, following the rest into place. He sat besides Elaine, quiet for a moment. He knew she wasn't good with people. Sometimes, a person didn't know what to say or do, but for her, it was naturally harder to do this.

"Don't take it hard." J'aquen insisted. Nudging her with his shoulder a little. The doors of the shuttle closed. He briefly looked out the window. "This is not new, you know that..." He didn't have to say so. He turned back to face her, running his pointer finger down a streak of red dyed hair. "Remember what you fight for...be thankful you can still fight for it."

He didn't know if that helped at all. All he knew, was that things can wear people down. Even him. Yet J'aquen would rather die before he let a weakness break morale further. Even if inwardly he felt like burning forests down, or blowing up worlds out of despair, he was not about to let that drown him. To hell with that, he was bent on fighting.

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"I know," Elaine said in almost a whisper as she grabbed J'aquen's hand and gently lowered it between them. "... I know."

Mira returned to the pilot's seat and the air began to thrum as the shuttle lifted off the ground. The vibrations ceased after a moment when the sky turned from blue to black, and Elaine turned her head to see what the pilot saw. An ocean of darkness and light, with Fort Prateorius steadily drifting closer in view.

It wasn't uncommon for entire squads to get wiped out. Elaine knew it could have been a lot worse, but that didn't make her feel any less weary to the bone. After watching for a minute or two longer, she closed her eyes to rest as a hangar bay opened to swallow the shuttle.

"Docking in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1 and welcome home everybody," Mira said. "You can all get out of your harnesses now."

(Switch over to Star Fort Praetorious now)

This post doesn't exist...

This was no place to sit, to breathe. It didn't help that the shuttle ride to the Fort ended so quickly. Hardly a time to take a true moment to grieve. S'Rye didn't let Oliver wrap his arm around her, which made him a little frustrated. It didn't make him any happier to hear Nikita quip that S'Rye had the right to be sad anyway she wants. J'aquen followed Elaine to her room. He was sure this was different than just being a Raider. She had people under her. Four of them died.

At her door, he opened it for her and smiled a little. "Hey Honey-Bunches-of-soggy-cereal..." J'aquen let out a breath with a pat on her shoulder. "I can't say you'll get used to it. I don't think anyone should...Your job today, I think your just as good, better, than most." He wanted to say more, but there wasn't too much more he could say. J'aquen closed his mouth and gave her a nod. "I'll see you later, Serg..."

Taking the long way to his room, J'aquen took a quick shower and then walked to the mess hall. A familiar scent of a smoke waft over to him down the hallway. It wasn't a wonder who it belonged too.

"Hey Olly." J'aquen made a jut up with his chin. Oliver ran a hand through his hair, blowing out some smoke and flicking the butt of the vessel into a trash bin.

"Hey." He mumbled, trailing after him. He sighed and glanced at J'aquen. "How's your buddy doing?" He asked him.

"Elaine will pull through. So how is S'Rye?" J'aquen asked, then chuckled to himself. "And how are YOU?"

"Me? Ah, man, you know. It's cool." He shrugged, laughing. Of course it had an effect on him, but not like it shook him. His chicken walk, with long strides, brought Oliver to the mess hall right along side J'aquen.

"Yeah, cool. Pfft." J'aquen grabbed a tray, handing one to Oliver too. "You don't have much that bothers you, don't you?"

"Nah, it bothers me. It does" He shrugged, going down the food line. "It's S'Rye man. She's taking that guys death way to hard, man, I like, didn't expect that at all." Oliver took a few plops of potato, a grilled cheese, and a tomato onto his tray. J'aquen went with the ribs. Extra sauce.

"Never should have let her talk to him, man." Oliver shook his head, following his buddy to their bench. He slipped into the seat and poked his potatoes with a fork.

"Well, you can't do that, but I know what you mean by it." J'aquen nodded, working on his meat.

"I mean, I guess I wouldn't mind so much if she didn't brood like this. I'm worried man. I don't want her to close up and not talk to me. She didn't let me hold her when we landed. I don't want her to become cold and emotionless pit of despair..." He grumbled. Oliver then chuckled and said "I mean, geez, we only need one Nikita."

J'aquen's face straightened and raised his brows, with his eyes looking right passed Oliver. His bud was curious of that expression and then let out huff of air.

"She's right behind me isn't she?" Oliver made a sheepish smile and slowly turned to see that scarred dark beauties face. "Hello Niki. Well don't you look beautiful today." He chuckled nervously.

Not smiling, but apparently not caring either, she took the slightest joy of giving him a stare when she set her tray forcefully down on the table, followed by her sitting next to Oliver...and continuing that stare. He cleared his throat and then spoke to J'aquen at the side. "I don't know what to do now."

"Just take it like a man, you stoner." He chuckled.

Barely a word was said between anyone as they returned their gear at the armory. Perhaps it was to be expected, but it was unusual for Elaine. Typically after each mission, she'd watch and listen in silence as comrades exchanged banter and jokes, making light of the dangerous nature of their work.

It was a way to let off steam in the First Company and fully encouraged by the Colonel, but there was none of that in Elaine's squad. Maybe it was because they were mostly strangers to each other, being a mixed unit of people from different companies and levels of experience. Or maybe it was Elaine's own coldness rubbing off on them. She had the feeling it was the latter since levity was never her strong suit, but either way, it felt strange not being the only one who was silent.

Elaine noted that even J'aquen didn't say much as he accompanied her to her room. She wanted him to stay, to sit down with and talk for a while. It didn't matter about what, anything would do to break the quietude, but then J'aquen was off and Elaine was alone.

It was just as well. He had his friends to see to and Elaine felt that solitude had always suited her best. It was peace and quiet she needed right now, not the company of others... but sometimes, she did want it.

As she showered, Elaine thought back to her conversation with Mira before leaving the shuttle.

"What's the girl's name?" the pilot had asked.

"What's it to you?" Elaine replied.

"Well, I've been doing this thing for a while now, shuffling you Raiders between here and there, and after a while you start to pick up on certain things."

"Okay... so why do you need to know?"

"It's not what I need, it's what she needs and probably you as well."

~~~

Her hair was usually bound up in a ponytail, but here in the mess hall, she let it hang down to her bare shoulders. Dressed in a simple grey singlet and still wearing pilot's trousers, Mira walked over to the table where J'aquen and the others were and asked, "Hey beautiful people, mind if I sit?"

"Please do." Oliver motioned to Mira, scooting over so that she had space to sit, between him and Nikita.

The pilot was ushered to that seat so fast, she didn't have time to refuse. This was purely to put distance between Oliver and the one who's stare could melt butter. Yet to someone unaware of the situation, it might look a little different. Oliver was a single guy, offering a hurried seat to a pretty young pilot. A talented one too. Although nothing of the sort was passing through his mind, he wrapped an arm around Mira, scooting them both a little closer towards J'aquen's side, and away from Nikita.

"You like grilled cheese, Flygirl?" He asked casually, taking his first chomp of his food since he sat down. That stare of Nikita's had made his sandwich a little cold.

"Mm, my favourite," Mira replied delightedly as she took a piece. "However did you know? Oh, blegh, actually I changed my mind."

As she spat out the cheese, people from other tables were turning to look and one passerby did a double take. Most of them were familiar with the pilot and wondering why on earth she was here in the mess hall, eating with Raiders instead of other pilots.

"Sorry, I ain't used to fancy food like this. Us pilots tend to live on coffee and food sticks, always bein' on the go and whatnot. Busy, busy, busy y'know, it's enough to turn my hair grey, but enough about me. How're ya'll doin'? Oh wait!"

Mira slapped her forehead and leaned back in her seat.

"I almost forgot, introductions first. My name is Mira Miles, you may call me Mira or Miles, I go by either. Some of ya'll might know me already, but I don't know any of you, not by name anyways, so that's why I'm here, and NOW that's enough about me. Phew!"

For a 'favorite' she certainly spat that bite out quick. That brought a chuckle from Oliver, who gave her a pat on the back. It was curious to them too, that Mira would choose to sit with them. Even if her intention was to learn their names, what was the point of doing that. Or at least, what was the point of learning just their names? But maybe she wasn't gonna just ask them. Whatever the case, Oliver spoke first about her name.

"Alright Flygirl, roger that." he seemed comfortable with calling her by a nickname. Besides, it had a nice ring to it anyway. "I', Oliver. But some call me Olly. That's my best bud 'Jaquen and that there beside you is the wonderful Nikita." He added that extra description obviously to butter the woman up. Niki wasn't buying it though.

"Any family who are Raiders?" Nikita asked Mira out of curiosity.

"Yeah Flygirl, what made you a pilot?" Oliver asked, taking a bite out of his sandwich. J'aquen was just as curious, getting a second helping of ribs to go along with listening to her reply.

"Ah, story time, now that IS my favourite," Mira replied gleefully. "Well, it all began back at home on Juno, if anyone knows where that is. No? Ah never mind, it's not around here.

"Anyhoozel, I always wanted to be a pilot since I was a kid, real passionate about it, y'know? Just something about flying around in the big black in any which way I wanted. Plus, it also kinda helped having a local hero for inspiration. So, guy set me on the path with a few handy tips and as soon as I got old enough, woosh, straight into flight school.

"Spent about two years there to graduate and another couple of years learnin' how to fly all kinds of stuff, mostly light things though, like shuttles, skiffs, fireflies, you name it.

"Anyway, I did a bunch of odd jobs for a living, even worked for some scientists a while back, and my last one before coming here was actually what lead me here, but that's a story for another time and relevant to your question, Niki. Can I call you that, Niki? Well anyway, so that's my story on becoming a pilot. Basically, I just really like flying a lot. It's pretty great... so uh, I notice one of you is missing."

There was nodding and smiles to her words. She talked a whole lot, which wasn't a bad thing, and frankly it was a breath of fresh air. Nikita wasn't a talker. S'Rye was a chitter-chatter when she had something to talk about, but not often. Oliver didn't make sense most of the time, and J'aquen mostly teased people.

"That's cool, Flygirl. Being a pilot is like, a high ride, you know? Hey-" He just had a thought. "If you get high while flying, you can get 'higher' than ever before...." As if actual hight would influence the effect of weed. He stared at his tomato for a moment before he looked over at her to her last question. "Yeah, my sister S'Rye is just taking a break in her room..." He seemed to sober a little at that and took another bite of his sandwich. Becoming somewhat quiet.

J'aquen took up the conversation here, wiping his hands off with a tissue. "You know how it is." He said. Though, he meant she should know how it goes. Mira had been around longer than S'Rye. "The first mission can hit pretty hard." he said. Though Oliver was seemingly unaffected.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Mira replied, nodding her head in agreement. With the change of topic, her manner became more serious as she leaned forward on the table with her hands clasped under her chin. "Look, I'll just get straight to the point here. I had a little talk with your sarge before leaving the shuttle, so I know what happened and let me tell you, that li'l girl needs to get better soon or something awful is gonna stand a mighty chance of happenin'."

With the most furtive glances, Mira looked from side to side to check that no one was eavesdropping and continued in hushed tones, "Have any of ya'll heard of Berserkers?"

"She shouldn't be a Raider." Nikita quipped, putting her two cents in. But as much as Oliver agreed, he still supported his sister, so, he frowned at Nikita. He didn't want her two cent in this regard. This was a bold move on his part, since he had basically called her a pit of despair a moment ago. Nikita didn't take his frown personally, but she did give him an even stare back. She wasn't changing her opinion.

At the mention of Beserkers, this caught their full attention. Oliver looked at Mira expectantly. He didn't notice Nikita's eyes darken a little, or the way J'aquen took a long look at his old friend Niki. Instead, Oliver shrugged, asking the question he believed they all wanted to know.

"What's that, Flygirl?" Oliver asked, cutting his tomato and stuffing it in the other grilled cheese he had, taking a bite of it.

Mira sighed before replying, "Guess it's story time again... not one I like telling to be honest, but here it goes. Short version, berserks are super soldiers. If ya'll are like flies to dragons, then they're hornets and the way it works is they get so hopped up on stims, they can react fast enough to keep up with dragons and maybe even kill em single-handed.

"Here's the problem though, with so much crap swimming around in their body, berserks are just as like to die from sudden organ failure than death by dragon. Even being awake is too dangerous, so the only way to keep em alive is to keep em on ice. In the off chance they manage to survive a mission, they get gathered up, fixed if necessary and then put on ice again. Repeat til' death."

Taking a deep breath, Mira paused for a moment to let everything she had said so far sink in, and then she continued.

"I only know all this because I was once married to a Raider who became a berserk, and, well, let's just say the guys upstairs were kind enough to not make me the one to deliver him to Cadeca... like I said before though, that's a story for another time. Here's what you need to know now."

Mira turned to Oliver and touched his shoulder. "Your sister is a prime candidate for becoming a Berserker. If it's one thing they all share in common, it's that they get offered to go berserk right after some kind of traumatic event, and to my knowledge, no one's ever turned down the offer. All they have to do is take a psych test. That's why she needs to get better soon and that's why I'm here."

Chewing slowed to a halt as Mira explained about these 'super soldiers'. Oliver set down his sandwich and didn't know if he could keep eating. For one thing, he had no idea this perky and smiling Pilot had such a stain of sadness in her past. This made him feel humbled in her presence. J'aquen felt the same. Just as sorrowful for that as Oliver was, as well as Nikita.

Besides that, Oliver had this sudden irrational idea that the 'men upstairs' had heard about S'Rye and are already down in her room, talking to her about this stuff. It nearly made him jump. Nearly. The most he did was flick his eyes to the door, worrying. But, calming down, he realized it was just too soon for that. Or so it seemed from what Mira said. She didn't say. "Run like hell and go to her now" so he took a breath and looked back at Mira. It was obvious he was gonna consult S'Rye about this. What wasn't expected, was what Nikita said next.

"I have." She said to Mira's words about not knowing people to refuse.

The pilot turned to Nikita with an appraising eye as the others fell silent. Mira didn't know enough about the Raider to make a judgement of her character, but if appearances were anything to go by, she definitely looked the part of a potential Berserker. They were invariably damaged individuals who'd trade their very lives for a better chance at killing dragons, and after losing everything, who could turn down such an offer?

In any case, Mira could sense a lot of history at the table that she felt would be better left alone, so instead she simply acknowledged Nikita with a nod and said, "The best scenario is S'Rye making that same decision for herself, but it'd be better if she didn't have to make it alone. For now though..."

Mira stood up from the table.

"I reckon solitude is exactly what she needs at the moment. Of course, ya'll should check up on her from time to time and if she gets better, that's fine, but if she's still hurtin' a week or so from now, come and find me. I think I can help.

"Whatever ya'll do though, don't trust the psychs. They'll be watchin' out for her kinda behaviour and if she's still raw about what happened, I can guarantee, she'll be gettin' that offer. Anyhoozel, it's been nice meetin' ya'll, but my break time's just about up now, so I'll see ya'll later."

With that, the pilot made to leave, but after a few steps, she returned to the table and added, "Oh, also, don't mention any of this talk to her. State of mind she's in right now, she might just consider it and... well, y'know."

When Mira left the table, the others bid her fare well. Oliver seemed to know that J'aquen and Nikita had this sort of secret shared between each other. Oliver raised a brow when he looked at J'aquen. The man knew what Oliver was thinking. J'aquen pat him on the shoulder, silently reassuring him that it wasn't his right to tell anyone, which Oliver shrugged and understood. From the curious expression on his face for Nikita made it clear that J'aquen wondered why Niki had mentioned it.

In response, she shrugged. It could be that she wanted to finally let people know, besides J'aquen. Could have been that she wanted to indirectly offer Oliver her help if he needed it. In any case, Oliver knew he was gonna prevent S'Rye from becoming a Beserker, whether or not he had to use Nikita's past to do so.

In all this quiet conversation between friends, J'aquen checked the time. "I'll bring Elaine some food. See you later." He said standing up.

"Sure, man. I'll go do the same for S'Rye." Oliver said, having finished his food. Spinning his tray in circles just for the fun of it. "Oh hey-" he pulled one leg over the bench and balled a napkin, tossing it at J'aquen. "Let's meet at Flint's later!"

J'aquen scratched his head. "I thought they closed that down."

"Nope, Jack killed all the rats before the health inspector got there." Oliver assured him.

"Ah, good. Kind of worried me. He worked so much faster last year." J'aquen nodded. "Yeah, I'll meet you there."

"Cool." Oliver made long nods that reminded one of a pigeon. He smiled a lazy grin at Nikita, leaning against the tables edge. "You coming?" He asked. She gave him a bored look and kept eating. "Oooh, yep. I see it, I see it. We'll catch you later at the bar, Niki. See you." Oliver tapped the table musically and got up to snag some food for S'Rye.

J'aquen was still there in the food line, loading the tray with all sorts of things he liked to eat, and added Elaines one favorite meal. Banana pancakes with walnuts and maple syrup on top.

Walking out the door he took a few turns and finally made it to her door. Using his foot, J'aquen knocked on Elaines door, since his hands were full. "Hey Elaine, I brought you food."

After Elaine had showered, she performed a number of stretches her mother had taught her whilst being groomed to become a Raider. The exercise was designed to prevent muscle soreness after training or combat and restore her body to fighting form as soon as possible, though while it was certainly effective, Elaine did it mostly for the stress relief.

With nothing but the sheer physicality of the exercise to focus on, it felt good to shed herself of the thoughts plaguing her mind since the mission on Cadeca. Completely naked, Elaine observed with calm detachment as the muscles in her limbs tightened and twisted with each movement; fine tuned since childhood to be agile and strong.

It was like this then when Elaine heard J'aquen at her door, which broke her out of her reverie. "Just a moment," she said whist looking for something to wear.

Not wanting to make J'aquen wait and, with only a singlet and underwear at hand, she hastily got dressed then opened the door.

"Hey, it's my favourite," Elaine said as she took the tray with pancakes. "Thanks, but you didn't have to, you know. I can feed myself."

"Oh? Well, when you can prove to me that you know how to use a fork, you can do it yourself." J'aquen chuckled.

He knew she meant 'get' food herself and not actually spooning food into her mouth, but he liked to tease her when she unknowingly let openings like that for tomfoolery. Walking in and setting the rest of the food on her table, J'aquen took a bite of the food he brought that he knew she didn't care for. It was for him of course. Every excuse to eat good grub, my friend.

Sitting down there at her table, J'aquen spoke with a little more seriousness than usual. "You missed a lot today at the mess hall. I figured you might want to know about it." J'aquen scratched his shaved head and relaxed his shoulders. "Mira sat with us for a little. She warned us that we got to keep an eye on S'Rye. Make sure she's recovering from this first mission. I don't know if you knew, but there are Berserkers out there, and Mira thinks that they might try to persuade S'Rye to be one." J'aquen gave a brief explanation of those 'super soldiers', and told Elaine the rest of the story. About Nikita and that Mira's husband is one. That's when J'aquen noticed Elaine's eyes.

"They're not green." He said. "You're eyes changed."

"Oh, ha ha ha," Elaine responded sarcastically as she let J'aquen pass and then sat down at the other end of the table.

As he spoke of what happened in the mess hall, Elaine listened in rapt silence whilst absentmindedly digging into a pancake. Upon the mere mention of the word 'Berserkers', her eyes widened in recognition of the term and what it meant. She had heard it tossed around before among the Raiders of the first company, always spoken in hushed tones like it was taboo to mention out loud.

Elaine had never cared to ask about it, but she noticed that whenever someone did, a raw recruit perhaps, the query was met with dead silence. It was only through patient observation that Elaine pieced together what the term really meant, but some of what J'aquen mentioned was new to her.

Before Elaine could think much of the information, J'aquen looked at her grey eyes, noticed the lack of green and commented on it.

"Yeah, the colour tends to wash off in the shower," Elaine replied in a snarky manner. "Come to mention it, this is the first time you've seen me like this. It's not making you uncomfortable is it?

"Actually, no, don't answer that. I don't really care. Anyway, that was an interesting story. I never would have guessed Mira to have that kind of history... but I'm not sure there's much we can do about S'Rye. I mean in the end, it's the same for any of us, isn't it? All we can really do is tough it out on our own and if we make it, we do, if we don't, we don't. It's all down to individual fortitude."

Elaine took a bite out of her pancake as if to punctuate her statement.

It's always amusing when Elaine would laugh with that obvious sarcastic manner. It meant J'aquen was doing a good job with his lame yet silly banter. That was set aside for the talk about Berserkers, but while they chatted about it, Elaine was kind enough to let open yet another point where J'aquen could tease.


“Nah, half-dressed women never bothered me.” He tried not to smile, by sucking in his lips, but it was painfully apparent that he thought something was funny, or that he had something to say that would be a tease. “Ok, ok, I can't do it. It's just too perfect, you walked right into it, but I can't tease you like I was gonna.” J'aquen chuckled, then cleared his throat to continue.


"Ahem." He coughed, and then looked at her grey eyes. "Well yeah, it was pretty crazy to hear Mira, such a perky happy person, to have a dark secret like that. Well, not a secret anymore I guess....well, I don't even know who she's told- anyway, as for S'Rye, we can keep an eye on her and just see what happens. If she get approached, we should talk to her about refusing them. Oliver is my oldest friend, and his sister is like a sister to me..." He said seriously. "I care for her well being as much as I care for his, Niki's, or yours." He said, forking a bite of her pancake.

"You care too much," Elaine replied as she jabbed her fork down and ate the piece of pancake J'aquen was about to take. She took the moment to chew before continuing, "Even as a trainee, you were the same way... It will destroy you, you know. I'm surprised it hasn't already, but it will happen, because it happens to everyone. Mira's not the only one with a sad story."

Elaine let the words hang as she looked directly into J'aquen's eyes, seeing how he'd react. During the moment, she thought back to what Mira had said earlier in the shuttle.

~~~

"It's not what I need, it's what she needs and probably you as well."

"And what's that?" Elaine replied.

"Comfort."

"... I'm not sure I understand what you're saying."

"What's there to understand? That girl needs a shoulder to cry on and arms to wrap around her, and if no one else is willing to be there for her in that way, I will."

"Why?"

The pilot shrugged. "Because I care I suppose."

Elaine scoffed cynically in response, to which Mira only responded to with a slight smile.

"I know, it sounds pretty silly, right? Why should I care about someone I don't even know? Well... why not? It's just a good thing to do and I like to do good things. This ain't exactly my first rodeo either, so the real question is why not, huh?"

Now you sound like Oliver, Elaine thought.

"And besides, it helps no one to be a hard ass all the time," the pilot concluded.

"Okay, so you want to help my subordinate, that's fine. There's just one thing, why do you think I need something like that as well?"

Mira's smile widened. "You already got someone for that."

He chuckled that she stole away his attempt to take that piece of pancake. J'aquen leaned back and rested his foot on his knee. The manly way to cross legs, for manly men.

"If I don't, who will?" J'aquen shrugged with that big smile of his. "The more a person cares, the more people who care, the better. Why do you think most people become Raiders? Because it's fun to die?" He posed.

He kept his eyes trained on Elaines as he spoke. It was pretty interesting that they changed color, and he had half a curiosity that they might change back to green as he spoke. Besides, Elaine had such pretty eyes anyway.

"People die, they get destroyed...in the end you have to decide what you're gonna risk it all for." He stated. It was true. There was always a possibility for anyone to have a sad story, but if you let it take over your mind, you might never recover. He let his smile fade a little, knowing that Elaine had sadness. Sadness was nothing to smile at.