Welcome to America

I watched her, and I wiped my tears and I turned and walked away, back to the dorm.. I locked myself in the bathroom. I was such an idiot.. I really shouldn't have said what I said.. I just lost someone I really really felt for..

I went to the lake and sat at a picnic table, sobbing into my arms. I never would have said something like that..

I was scared and wasn't thinking when I said that, and I had so much regret in me.. I picked up a screwdriver and unscrewed the doorknobs, taking one side out and watching as the other fell on the other side. You needed both to open the door. I then closed it again and set the doorknob by me.. If anyone came I just wanted to be alone, mourn on my mistake

I got up and plunged myself into the lake, but it didnt make me feel any better. After an hour, I got out and went to the dorm, sopping wet.

I heard the front door open and my breath hitched, I just hugged my knees and closed my eyes, wrapping a blanket around me, sighing softly.

I threw my bag down and went and took a hot shower, then I grabbed a few beers and sat in bed, downing one.

(She's locked in the bathroom? Lol)

(Ok then lets just say she went to a friends bathroom.)

I took a shower in a different bathroom since Marzia fucked up the door. I went back in with some beers and I drained one, laying down.

I knew she was there but I stayed put. I wanted to bad to just walk out and be there with her but I knew that wouldn't happen. I closed my eyes and fell asleep, isolating myself is always what I did when upset, or in this case, guilty

I eventually got very drunk and I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still upset and with a huge migrane.

I woke the next morning, sore all over, and my cheeks still red and puffy. I slowly stood and put the doorknob back in and opened the door, seeing she was passed out, a few beer bottles still scattered.

I woke up and picked up the bottles and threw them away. I laid back down and closed my eyes, breathing deeply.

I decided that the isolation was enough for a while and I opened the door after fixing it and I kept looking down as I wandered to mg bed and just curled up on it, my back to her bed

I honestly did not want to talk to her because I have nothing to say to her. I'm sick of the games. I got up and took some painkillers, then I went to the music room to practice the songs.

I really didn't know how to fix this.. Maybe I'll just stay single forever.. I wanted to go back to Sweden.. Not home, but my own place to live in forever. I looked at the time and noticed I had an hour to get to the arena for the art show, I stood and got ready and put on my best face, then I was on my way to the show.

I heard about that show today and I knew Marzia was competing so I decided to be nice and go. Since I said I would.

Right now I was standing by my pictures, most I took in Sweden and some micro ones I had taken of flowers. Judges walked by with their clipboards and poker faces and I was very nervous.. What if I didn't get anything for these?
My breath hitched when I looked up and saw Lavender.. What is she doing here?..

When I saw Marzia, i walked over without smiling. "They're beautiful."I sighed. "I have rehearsals.." I left and ran off to rehearsals.

When she walked away I just looked down and sighed.. What was that about? To make me feel even worse? Well it worked... "Judges are now finished, make your way to the stage for the awards." The intercom said, and I did just that, quietly going to the stage and sitting on the chairs provided.

I was doing horribly in rehearsals. I kept messing up and freaking out. I had to keep taking breaks.

"And for first place, Marzia, from Sweden!" The announcer yelled, everyone clapping, and I was so zoned out I didn't even know they started. The lady by me nudged me and I snapped out of it and stood, smiling the best I could, and I walked over and got my medal, and my check, I forgot that the check was 500,000 dollars... Holy shit!
I then looked over at the lady walking up onto the steps, she was the manager at The "Pretty Green" clothing line.. My favorite brand! And she shook me hand. "Hello, Pretty Green head photographer." I was ecstatic.. So happy and excited, but I felt so empty.

I went back to the dorm, feeling upset, the girl who plays Meg with me. "Lavender, everyone has their bad days. I have mine too. Dont get so worked up." She sat with me on my bed and I handed her sheet music. "That one note. I cant. Its so.. Hard!" I put my face in my hands and she rubbed my back. "You'll be fine."

Soon, the whole thing was over, and it looked like I had a new job, a photographer for this clothing line. I headed back to the dorm, my medal around my neck and flowers and a new camera and such in my hand, and 500,000 dollars in my bank. I smiled shyly at the girl that was sitting there with Lavender, and I silently set my stuff on my bed.

"Just come with me tomorrow and we will go get our nails done, then we will practice and practice. You got this role for a reason." She squeezed my shoulder before saying hi to Marzia and leaving.

I smiled at her as she walked out, and I then just looked down at my medal in my hands. I was happy about this, just not with how things were really going at the moment. I was just so guilty and sad, I didn't know how to fix things with us.

I looked up and saw her medal. "Congrats." I said softly and I laid down.

"Thank you..." I said, and I looked up at her. "Hey.." I said softly.. "I hope you know that I deeply regret what I had said.. And I can't get the guilt off my chest... I'm so so sorry Lav..."

I looked up and sighed, sitting up. "It's okay.." I whispered.

I set my medal down and I cautiously walked over and sat by her, and I pulled her into a sweet hug, my face in her neck.. "Its really not okay... But it will never happen again. I don't want you to think for one moment that I'm ashamed of being with you.."

I closed my eyes and hugged her back. "Okay.." I whispered, closing my eyes.

I rubbed her back, and I pulled away and looked at her, and I gently pressed my lips to hers, relief washing over me, maybe I did fix this, maybe just this one time.. I couldn't let something like this ever happen again. I wanted to really be committed now..

I kissed her back softly, warmth spreading my body. I missed her.. I can't imagine losing her..

I slowly pulled away and smiled at her, kissing her cheek softly. "You don't know how worried I was.. And how stressed.. But, I managed to get first place, and get 500,000 dollars, and I'm now the head photographer for my favorite clothing line." I said, excitement clear in my voice. "Next weekend, I have to fly to New York for a photoshoot."

I grinned and kissed her briefly. "I'm so happy for you baby. You deserve it." I hugged her tightly.

I smiled, and nodded. "Thank you.. How about we go to the car dealership? And get us a car? And maybe I'll learn to drive.. I want to try to get over my fear.. I'm tired of taxis." I said, smiling

I smiled. "Okay.." I got up and we took a taxi to the bank and then we went to a car dealership.

Once at the dealership, we walked around outside where the cars were, I liked them alot, but I knew I wouldn't drive as much, it would be Lavender that did most of the drving. "What's catching your eye?"

I walked around and read the descriptions of the cars I liked and I really liked the blue Subaru. Its very safe, which should ease Marzia's mind. I explained this to her and it also has leather seats. It's really nice. "What do you think?"

I did like the car, it was pretty sweet! "Let's get it." I said, smiling up at her. And maybe I'll work my way up to getting my own car later on, I have to get used to driving again. We went inside and did lots of paperwork for what felt like forever, and they got the car ready and we made a deal, and it was ours! Well, we put it under her name. We stepped outside and the guy handed her the keys and we got in, and soon we were off! It sounded nice too.

We cruised around for a while and then we went to dinner. "How long are you gonna be in New York?" I asked.