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Allonia "Allen" Shinjiko Yamazaki

Roleplay: "A Warring Wonderland"

Player: Aleyn

Private,   Enabled,   Approved,   Owned



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Synopsis
Alice of Spades; Age 21


Description

I've been looking in the mirror for so long...



A straight back, a cool, sharp gaze, an expressionless mask of a face; these are the things that mark Allen Shinjirou Yamazaki's poise. Everything about him screams stiff-upper-lip professionalism: his clothes, his posture, his speech. Well, almost everything. His hair is a shock of solid raven black, choppy and layered, styled into spikes that begin to splay away from his head at the back. The rest of it is more gravity defying, some of the spikes pointing skyward. His bangs, parted close to his right temple, are equally choppy, but follow a gradient sweep that grows progressively longer leftward. At his right temple, his bangs barely sweep past his meticulously maintained eyebrows; by the time it reaches his left temple it is well past chin-length and most of the time covers his left eye. His side locks tickle his jawline.

Gazing out of a near-constantly neutral and elegantly handsome face is a pair of almond-shaped eyes of a stunning amethyst purple. Allen's complexion is somewhat paler than others, a result of being indoors often and under shade when out in the sun. His build is a willowy one, making his five-foot-ten seem a little taller. His frame is lithe and lean, layered with finely-toned muscle - enough that they are visible, but not noticeable in a passing glance. Though his hips are a little wider than most males and his fingers are thin and long from many years of piano and violin, he sits comfortably at a hundred and twenty-seven pounds, not an ounce more. He has a sunburst of a scar on his abdomen, directly below his belly button, which he claims was from a failed assassination attempt that took his sister's life.

Allen's choice of clothing is decidedly traditional. He is comfortable in both Western and Oriental clothing, but both tend to be very conservative. Western clothing is invariably formal wear, never without some form of dress shirt and trousers. Often he will be seen wearing a business suit due to his status as the family legacy heir, but even when in his casuals he gives off a professional air. His favourite style is Victorian, and frequents many Lolita gatherings dressed in the Elegant Aristocrat style. His colour palette follows this, and is often in black or some deep, dark rich colour such as burgundy or midnight blue. In terms of footwear, he is completely comfortable in dress shoes and boots.

Oriental clothing tends to be more along the lines of Japanese attire due to his ethnicity. His traditional wear is usually only worn in his home in Japan, and is invariably a thick haori over a kosode and hakama. In the summer he will wear yukata. Like all his Western clothes, his colour palette is very muted and conservative, preferring dark and earthy colours and simple patterns.

By way of accessories, it would depend on his clothing. While his traditional and business wear usually do not go accessorized beyond a tie and watch or a simple wooden bead bracelet, Elegant Aristocrat often calls for many accessories, so he will oblige to go all out on feathered hats, chokers, gloves, and piercings. Though he does not need corrective eyewear, he does have coloured contacts to change his eye colour as well as non-prescription glasses and monocles that he will wear as decoration or for the purpose of portraying a certain image. Allen has multiple piercings, four and one cartilage on his left ear and three and two cartilage on his right. When he isn't wearing anything for show, he will wear simple, unassuming clear studs to keep the holes open. He does, however, have a few constants upon his person: his antique silver pocket watch, which was a present from a dearly departed one; a silver vial pendant of his mother's ashes; a white gold locket embedded with mother-of-pearl containing two photos, one of his family and another of a man; and a silver old-fashioned key. The last three are kept on a thin chain necklace tucked under his clothes at all times.

...Though in fact, Allen is actually a woman, one Allonia Shinjiko Yamazaki. While a rather well-endowed female (straddling the fence between C and D cup), Allonia spends much of her time with her breasts bound. Her voice is a natural alto, but she has perfected the art of changing her voice to sound like a masculine tenor. (In short, she's a reverse trap.)

Her spades mark is located squarely between her shoulder blades.

That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side



Personality

Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken

Allonia may not an imposing figure physically, but the air with which she holds herself would make anyone think twice about their motives. As with her appearance, she is first and foremost professional, distancing herself with polite aloofness that gives her the ability to see things and treat others objectively. Maturity grown from hardship, she is careful with her words and her actions, but when she makes a decision it is done with an informed certainty. To the public eye she is in absolute control, knowing exactly the right words and the right courses of action, never showing hesitation or weakness; a perfect fit to the business world in which she would eventually inherit.

Growing up without a mother has led Allonia to become strong-willed and independent, with a stubborn streak. Though she never shows any form of rebellion towards her father, her mulish persistence is seen in how she will see an entire project through from beginning to end, or researching on a particular topic until she has gathered enough information to make an informed decision. Her life has taught her to be practical and realistic in her thinking, which she does on a regular basis. She is both refreshingly honest, and simultaneously resourceful and cunning, having an instinctual distrust towards most people.

Beneath that, however, Allonia is not nearly as strong as she leads people to believe. Living as her brother, and therefore quite literally in his shadow, Allonia has developed a deep-rooted inferiority complex. She despises herself for being a woman, and for being unable to protect the ones that she loves. The repeated deaths of all the people she ever cared for has led her to become afraid of intimacy and relationship; if she did, she believes that she would end up destroying them. To protect herself and others, she closes herself off, denying herself of friendships that she so desperately craves. If she could have her way she would gladly crawl into a corner and wither away, anything to escape her broken reality and her broken self. Some time ago she would have clung on to a hope that she still had a chance at her happily ever after, but she has long since given up and accepted that she would forever be the tool of her father until she died.

Deep inside, however, there is still a tiny spark of hope. If she were to ever meet someone that could earn her trust and maybe fix her up a little, she would without a doubt remain loyal to that person, willing to lay down her life and fight tooth and nail to protect them.

Isn't it sad that I'm not here?



Equipment / Abilities

Fight for me if it's not too late

Equipment
Coming into Wonderland in Elegant Gothic Aristocrat, Allonia came equipped with a cane sword, which she can use quite proficiently due to her experience with fencing and swordsmanship. She also constantly has a supply of sleeping pills on her person.
Later in Wonderland, she gains a few trinkets from the Spade Empire, namely a dowsing crystal, a prayer bead necklace, a sheaf of summoning talisman slips, and enchanted antiques that transform into weapons when infused with magic.

Abilities
Esper's Forge - (Wonderland only) Allonia possesses the ability to convert willpower to raw energy which can then be used to create or augment weaponry and armor. In its beginning stages augmentation is the only form available; however, as she develops her ability Allonia will be able to first form weapons and armor that look as if they are made of light, and even later exact replicas of existing weapons and armor. Much like magic, there is only a certain amount of will energy that can be converted at one time. This limit starts of small, and is exhausted quickly, but training and practice with her powers will expand the amount and efficiency of will energy usage. While it is possible to continue to force her body to generate will energy beyond its normal limits, it is incredibly dangerous to do so, for it takes a large amount of mental and physical strength for conversion. While regular usage results in fatigue and migraines, over-usage can lead to fainting, nausea, shortened lifespan, coma, and death.

Lady Knight - More for sport and show than self-defense, Allonia is trained in fencing, kendo, and basic swordsmanship. Her combat style focuses on speed and accuracy to disarm an opponent rather than brute force.

Touch-Me-Not - Learned for self-defense, Allonia is trained in capoeira, tai-chi, judo, and gentle fist. Much of her hand-to-hand combat style revolves around avoiding attacks or turning an opponent's strength against them.

Lip-Reading - A product of being surrounded by gossip and conspiracy, Allonia has learned to read lips. Though she isn't quite as skilled as she hopes to be, she can at least get the gist of what people are whispering amongst themselves.

Economic Investor - No surprises here, coming from a wealthy family; Allonia is well versed in number crunching and money investment. Efficiently and effectively spending funds is a skill she has had to learn.

Help me breathe again



History

Two A.M., where do I begin?

Double Blessing
The infant half-Japanese girl that would become Allonia Shinjiko Yamazaki took her first wailing breath seven minutes after her twin brother Allen on June twelfth. The next few days were ones of anxiety and later jubilation; not only did the Yamazaki house now have a male heir and a beautiful daughter, but their mother, a woman of fragile health, made a full recovery after labour. Ever since the beginning their destinies had been laid out for them: Allen would grow and be groomed to succeed their father, while Allonia would be the bridge connecting her house to a suitable partner that would benefit her family's business.


But the twins didn't know that, not totally at least. Allonia's childhood was filled with memories of her mother's gentle smile, and the pampering of the maids and servants, and Allen, always beside her. Walking with her every step of the way, every day. Eating together, playing together, bathing together, sleeping together. Oftentimes their maids told them that had it not been for their clothing, they wouldn't have been able to tell the two apart. And that was perfectly fine for the twins.

The Heir and the Bride
Allonia and Allen's lives began to change when they turned five. Now learning to read and write, do numbers, and communicate, their life paths began to separate. Though they still spent as much time together as they could, Allen was now being educated not only in basic academics like Allonia was but also in the ways of the future family head. Allonia, in the meantime, was learning etiquette, simple homemaking skills, and was being presented to various other wealthy families who had sons around her age.

As they grew older, their adult-defined roles began to take meaning. Allen understood that he was expected to lead and see the Yamazaki house to further success, while Allonia grew with the understanding that one day she would not be able to see her brother as she pleased. They were sobering lifestyles, but the twins continued to encourage and help each other in any way they could. After all, they were still twins.

Mother
The twins lost their mother at the age of twelve. She had fallen ill from a sickness that knew no cure, which according to the doctors was hereditary. Allen was immediately tested for it, and his results emerged negative. In the four years of battling the illness, the twins went to visit their mother as often as they could. Though their father had been distant at best, their mother had done her best to nurture her children into responsible, independent, moral people that would use integrity and gentleness to win the hearts of those around them.

The twins loved their mother dearly, most especially Allonia. In her childhood she had spent many an hour with her mother, who would do up her hair and dress her up in fancy dresses and tell stories of knights slaying evil dragons to save the princess or of samurai who lay down their lives to protect their shogun. Folklore, both from their father's Japanese blood and their mother's European roots, came to life under the storytelling spell of their mother. In the latter part of her illness, Allonia would sit by the bed and retell the stories that she had been told, and tell their mother of how their day was, and what they did.

Esther Amarantine Yamazaki-Ryder died quietly in her sleep, a day before her children's thirteenth birthday. She was cremated, her ashes shipped back to her family to be entombed in the crypt there. Allonia and Allen both kept a vial of their mother's ashes.

Half a Heart, Half a Soul
A year came and went. Allonia and Allen continued to mature in their studies and their roles. Their fourteenth birthday was fast approaching, and it would only be another year before Allen would be officially instated as the family heir. Neither of them were allowed out without some form of guard, and often the suitors would come to see the Yamazaki rather than they go out to see them. It was a delicate time; they were a powerful family, and with both a son and a daughter they were at a political advantage. Both twins knew that there would be attempts on their lives or their persons for leverage.

Their fourteenth birthday passed quietly, but the further they got into the year, the more dangerous their lives became. Their only haven was their family mansion, and even then it was never completely safe. Often, the twins would sneak into their mother's old bedroom and fall asleep there, comforted by the lingering presence of their mother and the warmth of each other's company.

"...Allen?"

People yelling, sirens wailing. But all she could see was her brother.

"Allen... wake up."

He lay on the ground, still, so still. Crimson was slowly pooling around him, but she refused to acknowledge it. Shaking his shoulder.

"Allen, wake up. Nii-chan, get up. Otou-sama is here. The police are here. They got the bad guy. You can stop pretending now. Come on, get up. Nii-chan...!"

He did not get up. He did not speak again. On June fourth, Allen Shinjirou Yamazaki passed from the world.

Or did he?

"The Yamazaki family must have an heir."

Their father did not look at her. Allonia bowed her head. She knew what she had to do.

Eight days later, on their fifteenth birthday, Allen Shinjirou Yamazaki stood beside his father as he was instated as family heir. It was not he, but his younger twin sister Allonia Shinjiko Yamazaki who had died in the assassination attempt just over a week ago. Or so that was what they led the world to think.

Taking on the appearance, behaviour, and role of her brother was easy. Allonia was his twin; they had a special connection that no one else could intrude on. But with that special connection came a toll, as she quickly discovered. Without Allen, the world seemed to be half of what it once was. There was no longer anyone to support or encourage her, to comfort her when the going got too tough. She was not allowed to grieve, because she was the heir. But she was not the heir; Allen was. He had been groomed into one from the beginning, and he suited the role much better than she. Though they could deceive the world, Allonia knew she would never be able to deceive her father or herself. Allen was rightfully meant to be in her position, and not even his twin sister could ever replace him.

Jack
Jack Gylbert Remington came from a line that had long served the Ryder family. From his childhood he had been raised to become a butler, subservient to the Ryders. His father had faithfully served Lady Esther and her father, and since his youth he had served the Lady's twin children, namely her son. Though Lady Esther was no longer on this earth, he had chosen to stay behind and continue to serve Allen.

And now Allen was gone. He had been there the day of the assassination, and seen the bullet hit. He had tried to protect his young master, but he had failed. Surely, he was going to be dismissed. But he was not, for Allen had not died, but Allonia had. Or that was what he was told to say. Yet the person in front of him was not Allen, but his twin sister. She had, for the sake of her own family, cast away her entire fifteen years of identity to insure that her family continued to live.

Though he had practically watched the twins grow up, and been their playmate and friend for many years, he never admired Allonia quite as much as he did now. A most noble sacrifice. Yet he knew that though she appeared unshakable and fearless, she was hurting terribly inside. His heart went out to the young mistress, who had come to him as a confidant as much as her brother had. He remembered the nights were he would sit at their mother's bedside and guarded the twins as they slept in the room where they felt safest. He remembered watching them take their first step, speak their first word. He had watched them both grow, and had thought he would stand by Allen until they both grew old and died. His own children would look after Allen and Allonia's children, just as his family always had generations before with their mother's family.

Taboo
Jack knew that Allonia had no one to support her. Her father had never seen the girl as his daughter, only a pawn to be used to strengthen the family's position. So he resolved in himself that he would be her support. Allonia was hurting in so many ways, and this was not the Allonia he remembered, nor the Allonia he wanted. He wanted, even if it was once, for her to smile from her heart again. In public, he treated her as any butler to any master would, strictly professional, totally indifferent. But away from prying eyes, when it was just the two of them, he regarded her as Allonia, his little princess whom he had grown up with. Allonia had found someone whom she could share her burdens with. Jack listened to her as only Jack could, never judging, always on her side. Jack had always been there for her and her brother, for as long as she could remember, but she never fully appreciated his presence until now, when he was the only thing that kept her from drowning in the tides of her life.

It happened gradually, over the next few years. Though they had always been friends, Allonia began to realize that there was more to her perspective of him. She was more conscious of him than anyone else, and he became the first person she would turn to for anything. Conflict rose in her heart. Allonia knew she was developing feelings for him, something totally forbidden in her class. But the feelings were mutual; they were in love. Both of them completely aware of the consequences, their discussion about it lasted several days. In the end, they decided to continue forward; neither of them were willing to give up their relationship for societal convenience. They did, however, keep it under careful wraps, engaging in intimacies only when they were certain they were alone.

This went on for years, in which their relationship deepened into one of lovers. Jack brought hope and love back into her life, things that had been effectively snuffed with the lost of her mother and twin brother. Though Allonia knew that she would still have an incurable void left by her brother's absence, Jack was more than enough to help her heal. But they knew it couldn't last like this. Especially when one day Allonia woke up nauseous, and continued to do so several days afterward.

A pregnancy test later, the two of them were hit with weighty news: Allonia was pregnant. Now, more than ever, they had to leave. If they were to live as they wanted, and keep the baby, they would have to cut all ties and hide away, somewhere outside of the Yamazaki's control. Allonia was more than willing. This was her chance. A gentle, loving, loyal man, and their precious new life growing within her: though she had never voiced it, Allonia had never truly loved the life she led now. She longed for a life like the ones her mother had told her about in storybooks, where the prince or valiant knight would surpass all obstacles thrown his way to rescue the princess from her place of entanglement and whisk her off to live happily ever after. Jack was no prince, but he was most certainly a knight, and she wanted no one else but him.

And so, they began to plan their elopement.

End of the World
December eleventh. At last, the day of their elopement had come. A week back they had gone to a private sonographer to check up on the baby; it was healthy, thanks to Jack's meticulous monitoring of Allonia's diet. Allonia herself had been careful in hiding the bump that was developing in her stomach, and so far, it seemed no one had suspected a thing. They would go at night, and if their planning worked, they would be out of Japan before dawn.

But things didn't go as they had hoped. Someone had suspected something and informed Allonia's father. Just as the lovers were about to leave, he came storming in with a detail of security guards behind him. Talk quickly became heated, for her father was not in any mood to listen. Hoping to catch him off guard, even for a moment, Allonia dropped the bomb: she was already nearing the end of her first trimester, and she was going to keep the child.

A gunshot, Jack shouting her name. A familiar metallic tang in her nose, a wet warmth spreading on her clothes. Jack's face, tight with pain, as he struggled to use his body as a shield.

"Nia, run."

But she could not run. Allonia felt the strength in her legs seep away as Jack crumpled to the ground beside her, scarlet seeping into the carpet and staining it dark.

"Jack. Jack, no, get up..."

Her father standing over her as she clutched to Jack's inert body.

"That child will never sully the Yamazaki line."

Allonia woke two weeks later in the hospital, and the first thing she noticed was the sense of hollowness in her womb. She pulled back the covers, stared, and screamed. Her doctor filled in what had happened: her father had shot her through her abdomen, and she had collapsed from the shock. Though they had saved her life, they could not save her eleven-week-old fetus - a child that, according to their specialist, would have been a boy. In addition, though her womb would heal with time, until that happened, she would remain infertile; the scar on her skin from the bullet, however, would stay forever.

Hollow Existence
She closed herself off afterwards. No one could get close to her. No one could replace Jack as the personal butler. She hardly ate. She was like an empty shell or a doll, going through the motions, but her soul had sealed itself off from the world. She had lost her mother, her twin brother, and now the love of her life and her unborn child. She had no one in the world now; it was pointless to move forward.

But the Yamazaki family must have an heir.

Hiding behind the mask of her brother, Allonia denied herself. She wasn't Allonia. Allonia had died five years ago. She was Allen Shinjirou Yamazaki, perfectly in control, unmarred by scandal or injury. He would succeed his father, and become the next Yamazaki head. After all, that was all he had left.

Into the Rabbit Hole
A year passed in silence and routine. Allen followed the mundane perpetuity, knowing that he would be the last of his line regardless of what his father hoped. He was sterile, and marriage wasn't an option. The Yamazaki would fade into history, as all legacies did. But he continued to work to please his father.

He was on an outing, at a Lolita circle gathering specifically, when he went to take a break. Away from the fangirls and the noise, he heard something. A melody, a song, faint. But it was all too familiar to him, as were the voices as he followed the entrancing sound. In his heart, something stirred. Denied by her family, denied by her father, denied by even herself, the lullaby that her mother had sung to her as a small child beckoned to her hurting soul. And indeed, it was her mother who was singing. But not just her mother, but her brother and Jack as well. She did not notice how far she drifted from the gathering. She did not notice that the blooming archway was in the back of a small, deserted alley. She only heard the song, and then there was darkness.

No this can't be how the story ends



Extra

I know you have a little life in you yet

Strengths
Femme Fatale - Trained in various manners of combat and more than capable of using them, Allonia isn't a lady to be taken lightly. She can and will stand on her own in a fight.

Can't Fool Me - It's not easy being the heir of a corporate giant. Allonia has learned much about people's nuances and can tell when someone isn't being totally true with their words and actions. If someone has ulterior motives, you can be sure that Allonia can pick up on them rather quickly.

One of the Sharper Tools - Allonia is, without a doubt, a sharp mind and observant. The business world is merciless to any flaw, and so she has learned to maneuver through the chessboard of politics. Quick thinking and an objective viewpoint has allowed Allonia a tactical advantage in her world.

Weaknesses
Never Good Enough - Though not very obvious from the start due to her quiet confidence and regal poise, Allonia suffers from a severe inferiority complex. Believing her existence to be a hindrance and unwanted, she lives her life constantly trying to do things on her own. Her near-obsessive self-sufficiency is born from a desire to prove that she is capable of existing without crossing paths with others. This is a vicious cycle; Allonia will push herself beyond her limits, in which she does require the help of others. However, she will feel she is obstructing others, and thus pours more energy into existing away from others.

Ice Queen - In a bid to protect herself and others, Allonia has learned to be objective and aloof towards others. Unfortunately, she tends to distance herself completely, closing herself off from any sort of relationship and tends to be indifferent and even harsh toward approach. She has also been so distant from people for so long that she is no longer comfortable with or fully capable of co-operating with others.

Who Do I Trust? - As a very honest person, Allonia dislikes anyone who doesn't seem to let on all that they know or are, and is constantly on guard against ulterior motives. In fact, she has become so paranoid about people that she is initially defensive around everyone, and will automatically suspect them of falsehood until they prove themselves otherwise.

Haunted - A rare form, but one that definitely exists for Allonia. She has learned to hide it well from others, but there are times when her post traumatic stress disorder - a product of the simultaneous deaths of her lover and unborn child - drags her lower than usual. At these times she will become listless and unmotivated, actively and physically shutting herself away from others and wanting nothing to do with people in general. Losing all sense of self-preservation or survival, she tends to spend these spells either curled in a ball somewhere or sleeping. She has grown totally dependent on using sleeping pills; even a day of not using them is enough to cause her to relive the events and break down screaming and crying.

Cognito, Ergo Non Sum - Unwilling to seek aid or support from others, driven by a desperate craving for self-sufficiency, there are times when Allonia knows she can't handle the strain. Instead of breaking down, however, she merely bottles it up and hides behind her facade as her brother to escape herself. She denies her own existence, to a point where she convinces herself she isn't herself and that she never had problems to begin with, feeding into the rest of her psychological problems.

Extras
Due to the death of her lover and unborn child, Allonia harbours a deep hatred for her father, whom she blames for their passing.
In anticipation to living a humble life with Jack, Allonia has learned enough homemaking skills that she can survive on her own if need be.
Allonia's great love for silver-coloured objects stems from Jack; his eyes were a grey that looked more like silver in sunlight, which she found to be one of his greatest physical charms.
Allonia is a trained equestrian and falconer.
Though she is embarrassed to admit it, Allonia has a considerable sweet tooth; something developed from both her mother and Jack's abilities to create delicious desserts.

Playlist
Never Be the Same - Red
Breathe no More - Evanescence
Hello - Evanescence
Untitled - Simple Plan
The Burdened - Ishimoto Takeharu
Hymn for the Missing - Red
Last Song - Megurine Luka
Daisuki Da Yo - Otsuka Ai
Realistic Logical Ideologist - IA
Reirei Tenohira - Rurutia
Rescue Me (How the Story Ends) - Kerrie Roberts
The Lonely - Christina Perri
Icy Strings Playing in My Heart - sahmlockhart
Isolation (Part 1) - Pulusha
This Woman's Work - Grey Laswell
Keppeki Shou (Clean Freak) - GUMI

Give me these moments back