SO YOU WANNA RP?THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO SUCCESSFUL RP'ING
WARNING: SARCASM AHEAD! MAY NOT BE FOR THE WEAK-OF-HEART!
Let me guessyou're here because you want to know a thing or two about role-playing, right? Well, wait no more because, ladies and gentleman, I'm about to show you all the tricks to being the best writer on this site!
Now, I'm qualified to do this because I am an extremely experienced role-player! I know just about everything there is to know about role-playing and I'm not even going to try and pretend like the opposite is true! People who can't accept the fact that I'm just better than the rest need to get the fuck out of this corner and go suck a D.
Anyway, I have, out of the kindness of my heart, taken the time to present to you the most wonderful, most awesome guide on how to role-play like a total boss. After reading this, you'll instantly level to 9000! You'll make great role-plays and fantastic characters! Other role-players will be AMAZED by you and will love and worship you for all eternity! And then you'll get all the riches and bitches you want!*
*RICHES AND BITCHES NOT INCLUDED.
---------- Post added at 08:43 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:21 AM ----------
HOW TO CREATE AN AWESOME RP!!11!!1!!
Now, if you ask other "serious" role-players how to create a "good" role-play, they will vomit up wrong instructions. They mean well, but, really, they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. Ignore them. Ignore all their advice!
Listen only to me because, remember, I know all that there is to know about the world of role-playing. I'm basically, god, okay?
Q: WHY MAKE ROLE-PLAYS?
First, being the creator of a role-play is the best thing you can possibly do for yourself! As the creator, you don't have to take the bullshit of other people and other people, by virtue of being lowly, incapable writers, will rally around you with love and support! They will listen to your every word and they will worship you as the god you truly are! If this is not a good enough reason to slap a 15-minute game into existence then, bro, I don't know what the fuck is. Maybe you should just get laid since, clearly, an ego-boost is not what you're looking for.
Second, you are head-bitch-in-charge, okay? As the creator, you don't have to suffer pointless criticism from an ignorant and disrespectful cast! If someone pisses you off KICK THEM! Remind your cast just how futile it is to fight you for the spotlight! (NOTE: You are ALWAYS in control of the shinning aura of all that is sugoiikawaiidesudesu!)
Third, you have total story-control! Your characters can never be "OOC" because it is YOUR story. You decide everything! People who think that role-playing is a "group" thing, is wrong! They're stupid and should probably be hung for their idiocy! Role-playing is all about reaping in compliments and praise! Therefore, as the creator, you'll also get to steer the story into a direction that makes your character SHINE and GLOW and SHIT RAINBOWS. True story.
If that is still NOT a good enough reason to make a role-play then, bitch, maybe you should just quit because, clearly, you don't understand the point of role-playing!
Alright, now that we have that out of the way, it's time to start! Also, don't question me! I am a very, very experienced writer and I know what I am doing! I also write novel-length posts with lots of fancy adjectives and pretty pictures! Obviously, I know what the hell I am doing!
Q: I DON'T HAVE ANY GOOD IDEAS. HOW DO I START A GAME??.
That's fine! Don't worry about it! You don't really need to have a deep, moving storyline! In fact, most people don't really care about the depth of a story anyway! People just want to play as pretty characters sexing each other up! So, just make sure that your idea allows for the SEXIEST of characters.
But it is VERY important that your game title is REALLY GOOD! It can either be really clever or really cryptic! Go with cryptic if you're not a clever person! Also, images will help with attracting people! If you can make epic graphics, good! If you can't... well, go steal some. That works too! They'll never know the difference!
STORY
Okay, so you've made it? Cool. Now, here's the formula for how to make AWESOME role-plays!
First, you'll need a really cool sounding name! Make sure it's cryptic or a phrase or even a non-English word! It's even better if it's not in English because now other people will be like: WOAH. WHAT IS THIS? *CLICKS* And then joins. Yeah, that's how you get all them bitches to your party.
Second, bitches love dark shit. Make sure your role-play mentions "dark shit," like, at least five times in every paragraph! Remind them that your story will have really tragic angst of the highest level! It'll make it seem deep and complex! And, by proxy, it'll make YOU seem intelligent and creative!
Okay, so now that you have your super epic title and super dark story, you're set and ready to move ahead to other things!
RULES
Okay, now this is really important! You want to make sure you come off as a tough-sounding GM, who won't tolerate any bullshit, but you also want to come off as witty and clever so everyone in the role-play will be like: OMG. YOU ARE SO CLEVER. And this is the section where you'll get to show this aspect off of yourself the most!
Well, you can either spell out all yours rules and look like a fucking try-hard for being clear (because you won't need to be clear since... you won't let any losers into your role-play, okay?) or you can just make brief, irrelevant comments about how there's no fucking rules! Obviously, you're gonna do the last one! Also, if you think you don't have anything witty to say, just add 'lol' to the end of it! It'll make you seem really cool! Very classy too.
AND YOU MUST BE A COOL GM. SO... if you aren't, lie.
Also, in the rules, you'll talk about, you know, being fair and shit and not being a god-mode because you don't want people running wild with your story. But if you have to do it, don't worry! It's okay because you're the creator you're like god and you can do whatever the hell you want! If some bitch says you're taking over everything, kick them. THEY ARE STUPID.
THEY WERE PROBABLY GONNA DESTROY YOUR RP ANYWAY!
BACKGROUND
If you need this, use it. All the really good role-plays use their background section so... you should probably fill it with lots of useless information. You can always go back and, you know, fix it.
Nobody really reads this anyway. True story. But if you make it detailed, it'll seem like your RP has a lot of things to offer. So, distract people with epic graphics, tons of links they won't click on, and everything is gonna be chill.
CHARACTER
OKAY. SUPER IMPORTANT. You have to make sure other dumb bitches don't just go around creating whatever the fuck they want! DEFINE LIMITS! Talk about what they can and can't do! Make a clever skeleton bitches love clever skeletons!
But, important note! Make sure that the rules you define don't limit YOUR character. Remember, your RP to let yourself shine. If you sabotage yourself then... you're not being a very good GM, are you?
---------- Post added at 09:02 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:43 AM ----------
CREATING CHARACTERS!!1!!2
Characters are the blood of every role-play! I'm gonna go over HOW you should create your character, okay?
First, you should go find a really, really sexy picture the sexier the better, why? You want other people to like your character and what better way than to win them over with a pretty/sexy person? Right? Cool.
Now, after you've found your image, you should just splash the images all over your profile! Putting pictures in your profile will make you INSTANTLY cooler. Plus, you couldn't decide on just one image so... go ahead and put all of them in there. They all sort of look alike sort of.
Great, now that you have a picture, you're already halfway there!
Pick a name! You should pick a name that allows for nicknames or cute endearments! You want to be able to have romance later and it'll be awkward if your lover is always using your full name!
Okay, so.... time to go into the description! When you're describing your character, make sure you talk about how awesome they are! Make them tall the taller the better (if they're guys). If they're girls, you have to give them a really pretty figure always. If you don't, you had better make that girl character super fucking athletic and shit. But even then she should be pretty and attractive. You don't want to play an unattractive character it'll be so boring because then it'll just be like... fucking real life, okay? Okay.
Now... guys... you want them to be fit obviously. Just not, like, wrestling-fit. They should be muscular without being bulky because all guys who are six-feet weigh only one-forty and have six-packs and zero-percent body fat. IT'S TRUE. If people say it's unreal, just tell them how you have hella male friends who are like this and then it must be true! Even if you don't, just say you do. They don't know you and they're probably dumb bitches anyway. Fuck them.
Second, personality! This is the make-it or break-it section! The most important thing to know is, before you do anything, you need to base this character off your personal experiences or self! This is the only way to make well-rounded characters! If you just try to think up of a character from scratch, they'll be obviously fake and not relatable. YOU WANT RELATABLE CHARACTERS!
First, your character should be balanced, okay? You have to give them both good and bad traits, but here's the trick! Nobody really likes a weak and pathetic character and you don't really want to play them anyway. They're just pointless. I mean, in an anime, everyone hates them or they're the first to die. So, the trick is, make the bad traits just good traits, but with a less positive adjective! Like, instead of saying your character is a super confident, say they're arrogant. You know, that kind of thing. If you don't know any adjectives, go to a thesaurus! A THESAURUS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. MAKE IT YOUR NUMBER ONE SPEED DIAL. DO IT. DO IT NOW.
Also, don't really worry about your traits. They're not that important because, once the role-play starts, you can just start developing them immediately so the profile is kind of useless. It's just there to let other people "squee" and comment about how GREAT they are. It's true.
Now, if there's a slot or defining limit or something.... don't worry about it. The owner is fucking retarded (unless the owner is you then the owner is just too brilliant!) and don't really know what the hell is up. CREATIVELY BEND THE TITLES/LIMITS! And when they ask you what you're doing, you tell them that you just interpreted differently and if they were smart they would have known that. I MEAN, THIS BITCH JUST NEEDS TO GET ON YOUR LEVEL, A'IGHT SON!
Now, there's also a really cool thing you should do which is to list your character's skills! GIVE YOUR CHARACTER ALL THE SKILLS NECESSARY TO BE THE BEST THEY COULD EVER BE! But, at the same time, make sure you put in some short-comings too, otherwise everyone will just tell you that you've created a mary-sue. You have NOT created a mary-sue because, remember, you are drawing this inspiration from your personal experiences and beliefs. This is very important because you are not a mary-sue and ergo your character cannot be a mary-sue. The logic is infallible!
If someone says you've created a mary-sue, you bitch them out for being fucking stupid and rude and everything underneath the sky that means: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT! HO!
Everyone will then understand that, if the character is based off of you or something you know, it can't possibly be a mary-sue! And finally the other role-players will understand where you're coming from finally! But, in case they still don't get you because they're fucking dumb, just leave the role-play 'coz they're clearly never gonna be at your level of writing/thinking. Don't waste your time. You're too cool for them.
Now the history can go a lot of different ways depending on the genre of the role-play. But no matter the genre, make sure your character has a really cool/neat back-story! You don't need to be super detailed just... loosely outline something and then, when you need to in-game, just add more to it. Like, suddenly drop a bomb that your family was murdered by an angry cave-dweller! IT WILL BE SO SHOCKING AND SO AMAZINGLY AWESOME OTHER PEOPLE WILL BE LIKE; OMG. THAT IS SO SAD! T______T
---------- Post added at 09:16 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:02 AM ----------
WORLD-CLASS POSTER RIGHT HERE!
Okay, posting! Man, you're just one step away from being the best shit ever!
Now, always try to write an excessive amount! Long posts means you're talented and clever and smart! Pack it full of description and action! You should always try to write long posts because, otherwise, you're not showing off how great you are, which would be a total shame.
And, even though everyone else is writing short posts or apologizing for their long posts DON'T APOLOGIZE! WTF? BE PROUD! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THEM 'COZ THIS IS NORMAL FOR YOU, AIGHT!
Now, when you're writing a post, it's important to remember that you have to fill it with 238573948579435739 different thoughts, dialogues, and interactions! Don't worry, the other character will just fill in where they can and it's fine because they'll also do the same thing!
When writing dialogue it's really important that you make it distinct and believable. How do you do this? The easiest way is to just listen to what people around you say! COPY THEM! If someone DARES to challenge you, you whip up our trump card and watch them squirm uncomfortably in their seat! Those dumb bitches. Plus, remember, your character can have quirks if your character wants to talk in medieval dialect... let them. It just makes them interesting and if someone doesn't understand why your character is speaking in medieval tongue in a sci-fi world... well, just tell the other player to FUCK OFF.
It's your character! You can do whatever the hell you want to them!
Also, in your post, you should address the IDIOCY that occurs around you. Let's say other people have been critiquing the way you think/write or whatever the best way to combat this is to make it clear that, in your post, you think they're fucking dumb. BUT DON'T CALL THEM OUT DIRECTLY! Kind of just say things like: And then Character X smirked, pitying the other fools, who couldn't realize the truth of the matter! Something like that!
Some times, your character won't be able to be in a good position and that's not fair for you because it'll make your character look terrible! At this point, suspend disbelief and disregard your profile! It's irrelevant anyway and re-position your character into better light!
For instance, when fighting, it doesn't matter that the opponent may be, logically, 348573495348 stronger than you! YOU HAD A BURST OF ADRENALINE. DAT ADRENALINE WILL WIN YOU ALL THE FIGHTS. FORREALS, BOY.
And now you're ready! You're one step closer to being the best shit to have ever walked this planet! Go out there and get'em, tiger!
---------- Post added at 09:21 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:16 AM ----------
I WANT TO POINT OUT THE FACT THAT THIS IS A JOKE... for the abnormally obtuse individual. So, before you bitch out and tell me this is rude and offensive and dumb shut the fuck up and think for two seconds, PLEASE.
But, then again, if you think this is rude and offensive (because of the advice it gives) then.... maybe you should reevaluate your writing and designs, right? However, if you think the writing (due to the cursing and stuff) then... I don't know what to say. Calm your tits, this is the internet.
In any case, IF YOU WANT TO ADD TO THIS. GO AHEAD. MAKE THEM LOVELY COMMENTS. Effing WTF won't let me make separate posts, LOL.
