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I love my school! I have a guy chasing after me, saying the sweetest things I've ever heard. He is so adorable. PROBLEM: HE IS A FREAKING CREEP OUTTA HELL
HOME: Love my step-mom dad and little brother.PROBLEM: I live in a house a family member just recently died... yea. (REAL MOM)
OTHER THAN MY DEMENTED MOTHER BEING INSANELY CALM ALL OF THE SUDDEN, LIFE IS WONDERFUL
I had a dream with the theme song "A-Team" by Ed Sheeran.
" White lips ,pale face breathing in snowflakes..."
I saw a woman on the side of the road frezzing in a tank-top and booty shorts.
"Burnt lungs , sour taste..."
She pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Her face pulled into a sour pucker
"Light's gone, day's end, struggling to pay rent, long nights, strange men."
The scenery comes into view and it's night outside and she is talking on the phone. I hear bits and pieces of the conversation "Not enough money." " I'll have more by the end of the night." A black car pulls up and she gets in. It all goes black and then i see her walking into , what I suspect is, her house. The clock on the wall reads 4:00 am.
Then it's just a flash of random pictures until the last line.
"Or angels to die"
Her name on the grave is blurred.
You couldn't be bothered to call back and say Hi, or I love you , or even Merry Christmas. You couldn't be bothered to send me a card telling me you actually care, or that you miss me or that you flat out hate me. Something would have been better than nothing. Oh well you just couldn't be bothered.
July 6th... July 6th... July 6th...
This is a day where,no matter what anyone says, I have premission to fall apart. Isn't it funny that I needed premission. Wow Hehe um..... yea. Well I'm lucky I have the premissio huh?
God why is life so messed up?
Why when you try to run away from the bullying and hurt and heartbreak it follows you everywhere?
You try and try to get away, but it's like that illusion where the door keeps getting farther and farther away.
I'm sorry for rambiling and that this dosen't make any sense to you, but thanks for listening. I guess.....
Rarw, Bad mood!
First off everyone sucks today. Stop pinching me I have on green!
Second STOP BOTHERING ME WHILE I'M TRYING TO READ!
And lastly JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
Love?
How do you know what love feels like?
They say you just know.
They say you feel it in your heart.
I kind of just want to ask those people "Are you sure what you're feeling isn't just a new form of lust?"
How do we know love is real in a world so bleak?
Bleak,and full of disease, and hate.
So answer this question, Is my logic wrong? Am I just stupid and hopeless?
Now ask yourself, Is she on to something? Could it be a new form of lust?
Now think it over and remember your answer the next time you tell someone I love you.
Here are a few more dreams that have occurred recently that I've been meaning to post.
Dream #1:
03.14.13 Dream occurred: 03.12.13
I’m running, but I’m not sure to where. I’m so sure it’s away from something. There is just a huge mist in my way and I feel like I’ve been running around in random circles. So confused and unsure of what to do, I just stop. I hear it before I smell it or even feel it. The thundering of the pouring rain, odorless and red. I feel the rain against my cool white and pale skin. Then I hear the ear shattering scream I was absolutely hoping I wouldn’t. I don’t know who was screaming or why it even mattered to me. All that I thought would matter would be escaping this thickly laid mist. Evidently I was mistaken; I wanted to find this person. I run the way I came and find myself in a clearing. There I see her, her pale unmoving body on the ground surrounded by many cloaked figures. I want to call out to her, but am too scared the cloaked figures will try to hurt me as they have done to her. I mean I knew she had it coming I knew she would pay for her sins, but not like this…. I take a chance and call out as loud as my voice sounds “Mom?” All the cloaked figures turn around and I notice each is brandishing a book. They are speaking in a language I somehow know is Latin.
{Time laps}
I awake now, and find myself lying in a meadow. I feel safe and content until I notice a young boy about my age staring at me wearing the same cloak as the people I’d seen earlier.
I wake groggily to the sound of my screaming alarm clock dreading the fact I have to go to school rather than sleep and finish this dream. I worry I may never be able to finish it….
---------- Post added at 07:57 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:55 PM ----------
Dream #2
Occurred: March 19th 2013
I’m walking down this large hallway. Everything is in black and white. All my friends are crying and I try to hug them only to realize they can’t see me. My parents are there, but there not crying like everyone else. I hear words swirling around in my head, my parent’s thoughts; I then know I can read their minds. They are disappointed, embarrassed, and quite frustrated.
My mom is in a corner thinking about how much she would miss me and how much money she could now save to spend on her drugs.
I realize that I hurt everyone and everything, including myself….
In a flash I’m in my room listening to screaming.
“Go Away!” Mom screamed. My heart is rapidly pounding and this is how my day started.
Deleted!
Ok so I've had this song playing all day and it's fucking amazeballs!!!!!( hahaha amazeballs)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5H5NFz8g8c
I spend my money on the regular miracles
Just like you, like me, like everybody else.
Up on the Sun, lookin' sad and beautiful
Just like you, like me, like everybody else.
(When it gets loud, I turn it up)
Shake it like a bad girl up in Harlem
(When it's too hot, I light it up)
Ooh, Light it up, yeah, smoke em if you got 'em
Here come the jets, hide my money in your tube socks
Run like me, like hell, like everybody else
Hair metal on a Japanese boombox
Kicks like you, like me, like everybody else
(When it gets loud, I turn it up)
Shake it like a bad girl up in Harlem
(When it's too hot, I light it up)
Light it up, yeah, smoke em if you got 'em
(When it's too soft, I shake it up)
Sh-Sh-Sh-Shake it like a bad girl up in Harlem
(You’re so sweet, but I like it rough)
Ooh, Light it up, yeah, smoke em if you got 'em
Makin' a movie on the couch with a flip phone
Just like you, like I, like fingers in your mouth.
Up on the sun, playing drums with a bleached bone
Just like you, like me, like everybody else.
(When it gets loud, I turn it up)
Shake it like a bad girl up in Harlem
(When it's too hot, I light it up)
Light it up, yeah, smoke em if you got 'em
-Sigh-
I'm so lame... yeaaa... Well bye Guys!!!!!
Today I feel neglected, hated, and lots of emotions that don't make since. -sigh- Well I'm off to die.
All along it was a fever
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air, said, "Show me something,"
He said, "If you dare come a little closer."
Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay
It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take – it's given
Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay.
Ooh the reason I hold on
Ooh cause I need this hole gone
Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving
Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay, stay.
I want you to stay, oh.
I wish you would step back
From that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you've been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
The angry boy a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don't belong
You're the first to fight
You're way too loud
You're the flash of light on a burial shroud
I know something's wrong
Well everyone I know has got a reason
To say put the past away
I wish you would step back
From that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you've been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
Well he's on the table and he's gone to code
And I do not think anyone knows
What they're doing here
And your friends have left you
You've been dismissed
I never thought it would come to this
And I, I want you to know
Everyone's got to face down the demons
Maybe today
You could put the past away
I wish you would step back from
That ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you've been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
I would understand, I would understand
I would understand, I would understand
Can you put the past away
Feeling good for a change. The world seems brighter and I see more smiles than frowns. I see happiness in everything. Is it wrong? Can I not have this one moment of happiness? Evidently not... As I'm enjoying it life decides to get in the way, and I realize I have nothing to be happy about. Everyday I want to savor the few bliss moments before life comes rushing in... Besides sleep it's my only happy place... Well that and a giant strawberry milkshake... BUT that is not the point.. hehe... Well I must go... Goodbye
MUST SHOW OF MY NEW SIG!!!! Soorryy had to be a dork about it
*sigh* Today, so far, has been crap... I can't listen to the music I want because someone is feeling to sensitive to the subject of it, or I can't watch what I want because the subject is just to emotionally scarring and brings back to many memories for them. My response to them is GET OVER IT! You do the same thing to me ,but beg me to be okay with it or I'll just say never mind so as not to hurt your feelings. Yet, you feel the need to ignore me or mute me or kick me out of the room... Thanks that's so sweet of you
I have a few things I want to say. Everyone is different get over it. Stop bullying them. I have a video I want you to watch. It's called "All you need is Love?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...&v=3ROXTFfkcfo. Maybe some of you will see what you do.
Its Summer. Let the fun begin!
Happy fourth you guys or as my best friend would say HappyWhuppingBritainsPompousAssDay
Hey guys! Long time no chat!
Here are just a few thoughts that have been chasing each other around my brain.
Humanity-facepalm-
I'm not the smartest or prettiest. I'm not the nicest or even the funniest. However, I deserve to want to be around people... Right? Yet my faith in humanity and the people around me has diminished yo little more than a grain of sand. Sad, right. Then again, I am the odd one out with the AMAZINGLY talented and beautiful friends I have. Other people don't see them or even me that way. No we're freaks to them. People wonder why I am always listening to music so loud that even if you scream I can't hear you. Newsflash for you, BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE DEALING WITH YOU AND YOUR HUGE ABUNDANCE OF STUPIDITY!
Ummm...Thanks?
Also, apparently I'm mellowing out this year. I'm not as rude or mean. I'm not lashing out. I'm becoming a better person. Pshhh I was always this person just hidden under a lot of angst and emotional drama. So, thanks, I guess, for finally recognizing who I've always been.
Oh and of course...
Oh and what kind of post would this be without a teen filled angsty rant about love?
Love... Hm...
Yea I'm kinda screwed in that department so, not much to say really.
Hi...
Will you listen to me?...
Will you hear me out?...
Will you save me?...
From what?...
Haven't you noticed?...
No?..
You haven't seen me sewing my self back up again?...
Haven't seen the ugly dark bruises?...
Haven't seen the carvings... my "artwork" on my legs?...
No of course you haven't...
Of course you wouldn't notice me slipping and losing myself...
Always believe the smile I plaster on the surface and only looking their...
Never noticing my dead and dull eyes...
No...
You...
Haven't...
So, now that you know...
Will...
You...
Help?...